On Being Remembered

(I read Cleopatra A Life as a member of the From Left to Write book club.  I was given a free copy of this book.  This post is inspired by the book.

Welcome to all of my fellow book club members or anyone coming here for the first time!  I am a chronically ill mom married to a chronically ill man and we are raising our five-year-old son, who also has some special needs.  My blog focuses on the challenges parents with chronic illness face, but also speaks about being a mom and a woman in general. )

One does not have to read Stacy Shiff’s book Cleopatra A Life to believe that one knows all they need to know about the Egyptian queen.  Many of us have read about her through Shakespeare, or confuse her image with Elizabeth Taylor’s portrayal in the 1963 movie, Cleopatra.  Even if one has never read about her through plays or watched the classic film, Cleopatra is as notorious or famous now as is our modern day Lady GaGa.

And yet, without reading this book or a book that writes about Cleopatra’s actual history, you would have many misconceptions.  She was not a great beauty “a la” Liz Taylor.  A temptress maybe, but she did not have much time to do this tempting as she was dead by age 39.  There is only evidence that she actually had sex with only two men in her life, but they do happen to be pretty important ones, Julius Caesar and Mark Antony, sound familiar? She was married twice, each time to a brother.

Most will not read this book or any other that is historical, and so the misconceptions about the Queen will live on.  But above all, Cleopatra was a shrewd strategist and an ingenious negotiator, who in her short life, reshaped the ancient world.

As I read this book, I thought about how I would want to be remembered.  Poor Cleo must be “rolling over in her tomb” if she is able to.

What do people think of me right now?  If you are a faithful reader to this blog, I would say you know me pretty well, better than a lot of my friends and family.  If you are not a regular reader of this blog, a first-timer, you may wonder how anyone could be so sick, or think they are so sick that they could give up a successful career as a headhunter, a good salary, and raise her child in poverty.  How could anyone do that?  Isn’t their something this woman could do to support her family, instead of living off of our government for food stamps, and seeking disability, when she is only 41 years old? Maybe it makes you mad when you think that somehow she is taking your tax dollars to live off of. That if you were sick, nothing would stop you, that you have a family to support and whatever came your way, even if it was cancer, you would still get up every day and go to work, that you would have to, that you MUST!

Perhaps you wonder how anyone could have 15 diagnoses and live?  Is this woman telling the truth?  Is she one of those bloggers who makes up a life in order to get successful through advertising?  When will she die?  Surely, no one could claim to be that sick and be able to throw her child a birthday party or celebrate Christmases or take her son to karate classes.  Something just does not add up here.

If you see me in real life, with bandages on my wrists and elbows, you may wonder what in God’s name is wrong with me?  What the Hell happened to her?  If you know me well and know that I am on an immunosuppressant drug and that I catch colds and weird infections frequently, you may be scared to be around me.  When exactly the opposite is true, it is you who are a danger to me.

What do I want to be remembered for when I die?  It is something I do think about frequently as if you do the math, it does not appear that I will live to a ripe old age, that at 41, my life is more than half way over.

Maybe Cleopatra didn’t think much about what her legacy would be, but I have had plenty of time to, as I am not busy ruling over a country and am more likely to be found in bed in my pajamas.

When I die, I know a world will not mourn my death, or be thinking about me over two thousand years later, but I know those who are my readers, close friends and family will.  I would hope that with this blog and the way that I live my life and through my conversations, that I have brought comfort to a few thousand or so people who are sick and raising children, just like me.  That I have educated healthy people on what being chronically ill is like and that NOT just the uneducated, those mothers who are not sure who their “babys’ daddies” are, or illegal aliens need food stamps; that there are disabled people who need them too.  That those who use scooters or wheelchairs are not just old, quadraplegic or have a terminal illness.

I would like to be remembered as someone who used her 15 illnesses to make a difference in this world.  Maybe not to millions but to those few whose lives I have touched.  I would like to be mourned not as a sick person who died slowly, but as someone who lived every minute of her life to the fullest.  As the best mother she knew how to be, the best wife, relative and friend that she was able to be.

And now let’s talk of my death no more.  I have a life to lead now.  I have to get ready to start my day which includes getting an ultrasound done on my thyroid, picking up a big bottle for a 24 hour urine test, making a shopping list and buying a few things at the grocery store, and planning tonight’s dinner.  I am thinking about what my son and I will do when he comes home from school. I am looking forward to the new episodes tonight of “Gumball”, “Adventure Time” and “The Regular Show” on the Cartoon Network, which my whole family loves.

Maybe you are going to do some of those things too.

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About mamasick

Emily Cullen is a pen-name. I suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases which include Bipolar Disorder, Asthma, Diabetes and Fibromyalgia. I had battled Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis but there is no longer evidence of me having these diseases and my Rheumatologist has declared them to be "burnt out" of my system. I am separated from my husband, “Grant”. Our son, “Tyler” was born in September of 2006 and suffers from tics and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is delayed in fine and gross motor skills. In my blog I seek to let sick moms know that they are not the only ones going through this, and to educate people about what can happens when one becomes catastrophically ill. I also strive to break down stereotypes of what a “Welfare Mom” is like. Anything that I have gone through due to being sick, is written on the pages of Mama Sick.
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7 Responses to On Being Remembered

  1. Thien-Kim says:

    I think you hit the nail on the head. You have to life your life now. Not in the future and not in the past. Kudos!
    Thien-Kim´s last blog post ..Cleopatra Was A Feminist

  2. Pingback: Book Club Day: Cleopatra by Stacy Schiff

  3. Alicia S says:

    Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. You definitely have taught us that with this post. Many times I’ve heard people make rude remarks about someone who is parking in a handicapped parking and seems to be perfectly healthy…but how do they know what that person felt like yesterday or will feel like tomorrow. Your post certainly did hit the nail on the head as Kim says above. I admire your strength in laying it all out there and I wish you the best.
    Alicia S´s last blog post ..Imagination

  4. Patty says:

    Thanks for your brutal honesty. Let’s face it – we are all sitting in our own glass houses. Judging someone’s life from our own flawed perspectives is just bad karma if you ask me! Great post.

  5. Eunice says:

    My sister has fibromyealgia so I know a little bit about the world of constant pain and depression. Even family members sometimes get frustrated and say “suck it up.” It’s hard to face each day when you don’t know how much pain you will be in that day. But even with the pain, life is worth it, there is always something of beauty in living. I’m glad you have your family and friends to support you!
    Eunice´s last blog post ..Baking is Back: Pillsbury Cookie and Brownie Mix Review

  6. Mrs4444 says:

    “as I am not busy ruling over a country and am more likely to be found in bed in my pajamas” Sorry, but that is pretty funny. Don’t forget to add, “she made people laugh” to your eulogy.heehee
    Mrs4444´s last blog post ..Friday Fragments: Episode #163

  7. Brittnee says:

    Emily,
    As a child of a chronically ill parent, I admire what you do everyday for your son, and that you have the spirit to get up every day, despite your pain and agony. My mother became debilitated by RA when I was six months old. She died of cancer when I was 14. What I remember about her is not her illness, but the way she persevered. She started her own business, was a seamstress (of all things! With hands so crippled she could hardly hold a telephone), and she never let a day go by without letting me know how much she loved me. What I remember and learned from my chronically ill mother are lessons that will forever shape how I live my life. And this is an invaluable gift that you are giving your son, too. Great to read about you!

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