For My Son on His 9th Birthday

If you would like to look back on some other birthday messages here is Tyler’s 8th birthday.

Where did the year go? You’ve waited months, weeks and days and now your birthday is finally here! You got up early to open up your presents as if it were Christmas! You got the Spider-Man villains Carnage and Anti-Venom and the “anti-superhero” Dead Pool. I’ve never heard of these guys but I like learning about them with you. You are going to be Dead Pool for Halloween and I am afraid no one is going to know who you are!

You celebrated your birthday in school yesterday with candy and cupcakes. Your birthday party is tomorrow. Just you and three boys for laser tag and cupcakes. I am nervous because I want everything to be perfect.

Your anxiety and OCD have gotten worse and your father and I are trying to make the decision whether or not to medicate you, which is probably the most difficult decision we’ve ever had to make for you. I hate to see you suffer and feel guilty that your dad and I have passed our mental illnesses to you.

You are in the third grade and hate school which scares me a little because I want you to go to college and your dad and I probably aren’t going to be able to help, although we do have a college fund for you.

I have a lot of long range worries for you besides college. The dentist says you will need braces in a few years and I don’t know how much insurance pays for that. I worry that you won’t have a car to drive when you are ready to drive, I worry that I won’t have a car at all.

You know we are not rich, but don’t know how bad our financial situation is and I dread me having to tell you someday. Our house is a mess and I worry it will bother you when you get older, but for now it’s the home you love.

This year I told you about my depression and you took it very well, but I worry about having to explain to you my bipolar disorder and I hope I don’t have to for a while.

You’ve been in Tae Kwan Do for over a year and are doing well in it. Your dad and I are so proud of you!

Your father and I have not discussed sex with you yet even though we plan to soon. I wonder how that will go over!

You are my favorite person in the world and I try to tell you that often.

It’s 11:40 a.m. and nine years ago I was in heavy labor. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I try so hard to be the mother that you deserve.

So happy birthday my beautiful boy. You are smart, funny and courageous and the perfect son for me!

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About mamasick

Emily Cullen is a pen-name. I suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases which include Bipolar Disorder, Asthma, Diabetes and Fibromyalgia. I had battled Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis but there is no longer evidence of me having these diseases and my Rheumatologist has declared them to be "burnt out" of my system. I am separated from my husband, “Grant”. Our son, “Tyler” was born in September of 2006 and suffers from tics and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is delayed in fine and gross motor skills. In my blog I seek to let sick moms know that they are not the only ones going through this, and to educate people about what can happens when one becomes catastrophically ill. I also strive to break down stereotypes of what a “Welfare Mom” is like. Anything that I have gone through due to being sick, is written on the pages of Mama Sick.
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