Besides answering this year’s topic “What Are You Fighting For?“, the website is also doing a “30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know” meme.

So here I go:

30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know:

1. The illness I live with is: I’ve been diagnosed with many such as Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis and Diabetes but I am currently fighting bipolar disorder and more specifically, bipolar depression.

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2012, after my suicide attempt.

3. But I had symptoms since: 2011

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: Learning to deal with hospitalization for my mental health.

5. Most people assume: That I am crazy and sometimes I think they are right!

6. The hardest part about mornings are: I am on disability so I don’t work. I also suffer from Hypersomnia so I take a pill in the morning to help me get up. Depending on how depressed I am mornings are not too bad for me. I drive my son to school.

7. My favorite medical TV show is: Don’t watch ’em!

8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: Google Maps, the app!

9. The hardest part about nights are: Actually, the nights are the easiest because I am mentally drained from the day. I also take something to help me sleep. I thank God I’ve made it to bedtime every night!

10. Each day I take 15 pills & vitamins and up to 20 if I’m having a bad day with anxiety. (No comments, please)

11. Regarding alternative treatments I: really don’t believe in them, personally. I honestly feel I need medication.

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I would still choose an invisible illness so I could protect my privacy.

13. Regarding working and career: I no longer work, I am on disability. I had a good career and was doing well but when I was diagnosed with Lupus I could no longer go on working. I miss it; pretty work clothes, dealing with people, and knowing that I am not able to give my son the opportunities he deserves because I cannot work.

14. People would be surprised to know: That my worst delusion ever was when I thought I was a prophet, ranking right under Jesus Christ in importance!

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: That I can’t be the mom that I dreamed I would be.

16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Having chronic illnesses made me feel like I had something to share and so I began to blog.

17. The commercials about my illness: I don’t see any for bipolar, just depression.

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Being able to go somewhere fun with my son without it being so hard.

19. It was really hard to have to give up: My sanity!

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: As I mentioned, blogging.

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Take my son to the beach or to a fair without feeling like I am forcing myself to go.

22. My illness has taught me: That there are so many out there like me and that so many people have it worse than I do.

23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: When I am depressed, when people say that I should just let myself be happy.

24. But I love it when people: When I meet someone and I am comfortable enough to share that I have bipolar disorder and they have a story about them, a relative or a friend who has mental illness as well. It is important to get a dialog going.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: I’m not sure where this is from but it talks about Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh: “One awesome thing about Eeyore is that even though he is basically clinically depressed, he still gets invited to participate in adventures and shenanigans with all of his friends And they never expect him to pretend to feel happy, they just love him anyway, and they never leave him behind or ask him to change.”

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: That there is help and hope and that medical science is researching for the answers, and that we’ve come so far already.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: You realize who your true friends and family are.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: My friend and her husband cleaned my house, another friend made a big meal for my family.

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: I think it is a great way to educate well people about people with chronic, invisible diseases.

30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: that you are truly interested in learning how to accept people with mental illness.

The post 30 Things About My Invisible Illness You May Not Know first appeared on Mama Sick.

The topic this year is “What is your invisible fight?”

I suffer from a number of chronic illnesses, but of late my toughest battle has been against bipolar disorder.

There have been some times in my life that I have indeed wondered what am I fighting for, the lowest point being my suicide attempt in 2012, when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. At the time I was convinced that due to my illnesses I was of no value to my son and that he was better off without me, that he would do better and have more opportunities with another mother.

I am currently experiencing a long state of bipolar depression although nowhere near as bad as when I attempted suicide. I am fighting for my son and I realize now that although I am sick, my son is a gift from God and I was meant to be his mother. I try every day to be the best parent I can be to him.

I fight against my disease by being in therapy and taking a lot of medication, mood stabilizers and medication for depression. It’s a lot of pills every day and there are a lot of side effects which include weight gain, drowsiness and loss of sexual desire. Some people decide that the side effects are not worth it and they choose not to take the medicine, but I know that I need to be on them, if only for my son.

I battle bipolar disease everyday, but I must, because my son needs his mother.

What is your invisible fight?

The post What Am I Fighting For? first appeared on Mama Sick.

September 10-16 is National Chronic Illness Awareness Week.  In my posts I hope to comfort those who are first experiencing chronic illness and those who continue to live a life in chronic pain and with chronic illness; as well as educate those who do not know what it is like to live with an Invisible Illness.

The theme for this year’s Invisible Illness Awareness Week is “Invisible Illness?  Share Your Visible Hope!”

I think for so many of us who are parents, our children are the #1 hope in our lives. My mantra since I have become a parent is “Do it For Tyler!”  Can’t walk around the zoo?  Get your husband to push you in a wheelchair and go!  Wondering how you will get through Christmas?  Push on and suffer the consequences later, even if it takes you three days to recover!

This year, however, I learned that it is not always so easy to just “Do it For Tyler!”  As a result of Bipolar Disorder, I became so depressed that I found myself unable to care for Tyler in the way that my physical illnesses had allowed me to.  It turned out that my depression was stronger than my will.

I always thought that I could overcome anything for Tyler’s sake, and for over five years of his life, I did.

I write about this because the fact is that sometimes we cannot be stronger than our illnesses, even if it for our children.

I write about this to let people who are well know that we are always trying to, and it breaks our heart when we can’t.

I have finally broken out of the depression that imprisoned me for so many months and once again I am endeavoring to be the best mommy I can be.

When I started to feel better I mentioned it to Tyler, I asked him if he could tell I was better.  He replied, “What?  I didn’t even know you were sick!”

All of my guilt, all of my shame, all of the depression resulting from no longer being able to be Super Mommy.

All of the things I could not do for my child during my depression…went unnoticed by my son.

Now that I am stronger, I will go back to doing it for Tyler.  But I also know that no matter how I am feeling or no matter how little I can do, my son will always love me.

And yours will too.

The post My Son, My Hope first appeared on Mama Sick.

Dear Healthy People,

I know you mean the very best when you say certain things to us chronically ill people, but here are a couple of things that you always say that kind of cheeses me off, and I cannot be alone in this:

Scenario 1

“Feel better.”

Whether I have talked with a healthy person and told them only about my Lupus or that I have 15 diagnoses (and counting!), the answer is always the same:  “Feel better.”

Sir or madam, I have 15 diseases.  It is unlikely that even one of them is going to be cured in the next five years, much less my lifetime.  When you tell me to “Feel better”, I politely say “thank you”, or if you happen to be the judge in my disability case who told me to “Feel better” and has YET to give me her decision for two months now, I may say, “Thank you very much but with all due respect, you honor I will NEVER feel better!”

Here is a better response when you have ended your conversation with a person who has a major disease, or many diseases:

“Well, I hope you can be as well as is possible.”

or

“I hope you are as well as can be.”

See the big difference?  Look how easy that is!  Your end to your awkward conversation has been resolved!”

Scenario 2

I am talking to a neighbor or a friend that I haven’t known very well:

a) “Stop saying you are sick!  You look just fine to me!”

or

b) “You need to be more positive!  You have so many joys in your life!  You have a wonderful son! You have got to LIVE for HIM!”

or

c) “Well, you are still so beautiful!  You look like you are in your twenties!  You certainly don’t look sick!”

Why I do not need to hear quote a):

If you don’t want to hear that I am sick then please don’t even ask how I am doing.  A simple “How are you?” or “Hello!” in passing will suffice.  Please do not debate that I am sick, no matter how well I look, and if you keep on doing it I will have my Rheumatologist give you a call to confirm that I am, indeed, very ill.

Why I do not need to hear quote b):

I am not a negative person, I am a realistic person.  I have 15 diseases, one of which can be fatal. Google those stats on your computer.  I am most likely not going to have an average life expectancy. It is not negativity, it is fact.  And if I do happen to live to 80, it’s a bonus!

I do have many joys in my life, one who is my son and HE IS one of the great motivators in my life. Yes, thank you, I am aware how wonderful my son is, he lives with me.  And I am not just living for him, I enjoy writing, reading, talking with my friends, being with my husband, laughing…

I am more than my diseases, I do know that.  Life’s not all pain, sickness and poverty, I have much love and happiness.

And why I do not need to hear quote c):

Thank you for the compliment.  I know that I am an attractive female.  I was born that way. The natural oils in my skin which gave me acne that plagued me through my teens is serving me well now that I am forty.

Thanks for saying I don’t look sick but…

I would gladly give up my looks and look ten years older to be well again so I can enjoy my son, and husband, and zoos and museums and Disney World without having to be sick in bed for two days afterwards.

So, what should you say to a chronically ill person?  Listen to us, please don’t feel you need to give us any advice, we are not asking you for any.  You do not need to be our cheering coach, you just need to be our friends.

And the reason I don’t look sick?

That is why this is Invisible Illness Awareness Week.

The post Mama Sick’s Handy Guide For the Healthy Person first appeared on Mama Sick.

Not only do I blog about chronic illness, I “talk the talk” as well.  Having been chronically ill since 2003, I seemed to have developed somewhat of a “sixth sense”.  it is weird, but I have this instinct for being able to “see” people who have Invisible Illnesses.

This summer I was getting coffee at a Dunkin’ Donuts and I saw this pretty young woman carrying her infant in the removable car seat.  Everyone was remarking how beautiful the little girl was and she had one of those traditional names like Charlotte or Lily that I love.

I said to the woman, “How are you doing?”, and I told her how I remembered how heavy carrying a 20 pound car seat with a ten + pound baby was.  She said, “Yes it is hard and…it’s not just that…I have M.S.”  I told her that I had Lupus and I had Rheumatoid Arthritis when my son was born.  “You did?  You do?”  I told her my story, the short form, about how I used to have to crawl to Tyler when I could not walk and Tyler was crying or needed to be changed or fed.

And then, she started to cry.  “There’s no one else like us in the world!”  And she broke down.

I put my arm around her.  “Aren’t you on any support groups for your M.S.?”

“Oh, no. Those places are just depressing. People just moan about how bad they feel.  And they don’t understand what it is like to have M.S. and have a baby.”

I guess I had been living in a bubble.  I had thought if you had a major disease in this day and age, you would be on at least one internet support group.  And that if you were a mom with a major illness you would be on several!

But I live in the world of Social Media.  I am a blogger, a tweeter, I am on Face Book, Google+.  I never would have made it, literally, not have been on this planet today without the support of my friends that I have found on the internet.

“Rachel, you are wrong about you and I being the only ones!  There are hundreds of thousands of women just like us who are raising children while dealing with not just one disease but many!  They are doing it every day.  They are getting through it, and you will too!”

I told her about sites like But You Don’t Look Sick and Chronic Babe.  That they weren’t the depressing, “poor us” sights she thought they were.  That they were fun and the people on them were interesting and cool and beautiful and they were from all over the world.  And that we laugh and that I have made REAL friends that I can share my life with, and yes, when I am in trouble, I have their phone numbers because sometimes I need to speak to someone…

Just like me.

The post You Are NOT The Only One first appeared on Mama Sick.