Tyler has been in therapy and on medication for his OCD for a while now but it only seems to be getting worse.

Lately one of my nine and a half year old’s rituals is to put his hands together and form a triangle and look like he is praying. Then he has to touch something. On Saturday night it was particularly bad. Not only could he not stop the rituals they would not allow him to get up from his chair. It wouldn’t stop.

Suddenly he started saying, “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck My Life! Fuck My Life!” I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know how to help him. Nothing I tried was working. Tyler often gets frustrated with me because I can’t understand what it’s like to have OCD. He’s right, I can’t. One time he told me, “Mom, you just don’t get it”, a phrase that was all too familiar for me in dealing with people and my chronic illnesses.

Tyler kept screaming and he said, “I want to kill myself, I want to kill myself, where are the knives?”

I said, “Tyler, are you serious about wanting to kill yourself? Because if you are I have to take you to the hospital.”

“I am serious!”, he said.

I called Grant, who does have OCD and he said he would be right over but first he was going to go to the pharmacy to get some Benadryl which had been recommended to us by his doctors, which would hopefully make him relaxed and sleepy.

As I waited I thought about what taking him to the hospital would really mean and how damaging it would be for him. I have been in-patient four times and while I did improve my stays were never without some form of damage or scars. I had often heard that the children’s unit was the worse in the hospital, that the kids were “crazy”. It would also mean Tyler staying in the hospital, spending the nights away from us, something that he has never really done. While I knew he could be helped, the visit could trigger some of his other issues.

While we were waiting for Grant he started to calm down on his own and was finally able to break the rituals. When Grant arrived we decided not to give him the Benadryl. As Grant made calls to his doctors, I asked Tyler if he still wanted to kill himself and he told me no. He also said he didn’t really want to kill himself and that he would never do that.

Grant was able to speak to a Child Psychiatrist at an emergency room who told him that it is unlikely for a child Tyler’s age to actually try to kill himself but we should monitor him very carefully over the next couple of days. He also told him that Tyler should be on double the amount of medication he was taking for his OCD for the drug to work effectively.

We see his psychiatrist and therapist on Wednesday.

No one wants to see their child in pain but I have felt mental pain and it is by far worse than physical pain. I worry about what Tyler’s mental health will be like as he ages. He has Tourette’s and has inherited Grant’s OCD and our anxiety. Will he also be bipolar like we are?

When Grant and I decided to have a child we went for genetic testing. We were told our children had a 50% chance of developing some sort of mental illness because of Grant’s mental health issues. My mental health problems started postpartum. While I will never regret the birth of my son I question whether or not Grant and I would have decided to have a baby if both of us were mentally ill.

I think about the teenage years and know they are difficult enough for any child, but what will it be like for one with mental illnesses?

I pray nightly for Tyler’s health and feel that we are doing the best we can with having him be in therapy and on medication but I just feel so sorry that we have brought these conditions on our son.

The post My Son and His OCD first appeared on Mama Sick.

Tyler has another diagnosis that he’s had for a while that I just haven’t written about. It was something I’ve never heard of before. It’s called Primary Motor Stereotypy . Tyler is classified as having Complex Motor Stereotypy and his symptoms include hand and arm flapping, wiggling his fingers in front of his face and finger wiggling. The movements often appear or increase in frequency when a child is stressed, fatigued, anxious, excited or engrossed in an activity.

There is no real treatment for Stereotypies and the type Tyler has usually lasts for life.

We are less than a month away from school and I really worry about Tyler being teased or bullied, whether it’s the stereotypy, the OCD or the tics. The older he gets the more noticeable these things will become as children are expected to sit still during class. In his second grade class last year the only thing that happened was that Tyler was humming and the girl sitting next to him told him to stop it.

Tyler is taking tae kwon do, so hopefully he won’t have to be a victim of bullying.

Every night I pray I have the mental and physical health to parent and support Tyler the way he needs. We think we have found him a good therapist and for now that’s the best we can do.

Tyler’s idea of a perfect summer; the pool and video games!

The post Update on My Son’s Health first appeared on Mama Sick.

But the biggest thing I am hoping for is to finally have Tyler be able to sleep in his own bed. Besides sleeping in bed with me, Tyler has a phobia about being alone. He can’t be in a room alone.

Up until he was two and a half years old Tyler slept fine alone. But for a long weekend in 2008 he was taken from Grant and I by Child Protective Services. From then on he sleeping alone was a nightmare.

Although he was only two and a half, Tyler remembers the horrific incident. He asks us where we went that weekend and we told him we had to go out of town. I’m sure one day I will tell him but I don’t think he’s old enough yet.

For a while I tried everything you’re supposed to do to get a child to sleep in his own bed, but it would cause him to tic and breathe erratically. I tried putting a sleeping bag by my bed but he would exhibit the same symptoms.

Tyler’s been in therapy for a while working on his anxiety, OCD and other issues. I told the last therapist before the one he is seeing now that he was still sleeping with me and he tossed it aside saying, “Boys soon enough will see that sleeping with their mother is not the proper thing to do”, but it hasn’t happened yet with Tyler.

He has a new therapist now and I figure summer is a good time to do it, figuring there will be a lot of sleepless nights involved.

I know that Tyler shouldn’t sleep with me but truthfully it has never been something that has bothered me. I enjoy cuddling with him before we fall asleep and he doesn’t take up much space in the bed.

I hope this is a project that we are successful at and that it is not too painful for both of us.

Tyler with his new kitten at his dad’s house.

The post The Summer Project first appeared on Mama Sick.

If you don’t already know, Tyler has been diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome and OCD. Lately his tics have really been apparent at school and at home. One of the girls who sits by him at school told him to “stop it”. He mostly fits in at school but I worry as he gets older the other kids will notice the tics more and he will be made fun of.

Tyler was also having trouble concentrating in school, having trouble completing his school work, and forgetting to do the routine, simple stuff he’s been asked to do since school started. He’s also been waving his arms and humming and singing. We met with his teacher and some others on his IEP (Individualized Education Program) team and we came up with a behavior chart where Tyler must get a certain amount of plusses throughout the school day and he’ll get a treat. Tyler has been responding wonderfully to it. That makes me feel good because if he had something like ADHD he wouldn’t be able to do the things on the chart.

Lately Tyler has also been having really bad anxiety. Both Grant and I suffer from anxiety too. About two weeks ago he began hearing clicking noise in his ears. I told him I could make my ears “click” too and it was nothing to worry about. But as time wore on he started to really become anxious, to the point of tears. He asked me, “Why are things so hard for me?” He also worried about where you go when you will die and he told me “I worry that if I touch your head it will roll off your shoulder”. I explained to him what anxiety was and we should do some deep breathing to help him calm down but he didn’t want to do it. I told him there was medicine for anxiety and he said, “I want to take it”.

Yesterday we took Tyler to the pediatrician for his ears and the doctor said it was just congestion and she gave us liquid medicine and told Tyler it wasn’t serious. We are hoping now that Tyler knows that he will be less anxious as Grant and I are reluctant to medicate our child for psychiatric problems.

I have a lot of guilt because I transferred my mental illness to Tyler. I can only hope it doesn’t get any worse.

Tyler loves tae kwon do. Here he is with me after just getting his green belt.

The post Tyler’s Troubles first appeared on Mama Sick.

Tyler has been becoming more challenging. He gets angry if he doesn’t get what he wants from me and angry playing video games. Oftentimes he physically and verbally attacks me. The punches hurt more as he gets older and it breaks my heart to hear him curse like an adult. Actually he does not know how to curse like an adult. He will say to me, “You are a fucking person!” “You are ugly!” This weekend we went to a tourist spot and he had a really bad time. He beat me up in public and he cursed at me too. I heard one woman gasp and comment on what a spoiled child he was. I do not let it bother me, I know Tyler is suffering.

Most times after he hits me he is immediately sorry. “Can I kiss where it hurts?”, he will ask. He will say he is sorry a hundred times. “Mommy, am I going to go to Hell?” “No, honey, children don’t go to Hell.”

Grant and I are both bipolar. It’s no wonder Tyler is having such difficulties. We had genetic counseling before we decided to conceive. We were worried we would pass on our sicknesses to our child. We learned that Tyler had only a slight chance of getting Lupus or Rheumatoid Arthritis since my diseases were not inherited. With mental illness we were told Tyler had a 50/50 chance since I did not have any issues.

We decided to try to conceive.

My mental issues did not present themselves until after Tyler was born.

I do not regret for one second having Tyler but I do regret what we have passed on to him. What will happen to him? Will he be able to hold down a job? Will he get into drugs and alcohol?

If I knew that I would have mental illness I do not believe Grant or I would have tried to conceive. Adoption was not for us, we would have remained childless.

But Tyler is here and most times he is wonderful. He is smart and talented and is a joy and wonder to me. I can only hope that by getting him help early he can have a life without pain. Being mentally ill has been difficult for me, no, torturous, but there is joy in my life.

I just hope that Tyler can live a life with mostly joy rather than suffering.

He has to go back for further assessment since Grant and I took so long filling the intake person in on his background. I will keep you posted. I know another diagnosis is coming. I want one so we can better help Tyler but I dread it as well.

The post Update on Tyler’s Health first appeared on Mama Sick.

Welcome to all of my fellow book club members or anyone coming here for the first time!  I am a chronically ill mom married to a chronically ill man and we are raising our five-year-old son, who also has some special needs. My blog focuses on the challenges parents with chronic illness face, but also speaks about being a mom and a woman in general. )

Lost Edens by Jamie Patterson is the true story of a woman who decides to take her husband back after he admits to having an affair.  She does this without the support of any of her family or friends, there is not one person behind her, but Jamie is determined to make it work.  Throughout the book there is evidence of her husband having some serious mental illnesses.  And that’s all I am going to say because I don’t want to ruin how this amazing book turns out.

I am married to someone with severe mental illness, so severe that he receives disability as he is no longer able to work.  If you don’t know much about the Social Security Disability process, you pretty much need to be near death or severely mentally ill to be able to get disability on a first time application.  My husband was a “yes”, on his first try.

Grant has had mental illness since he was a teenager.  He spent his teenage years (in the mid ’80s) suffering until he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  In college he drank and abused prescription drugs and marijuana in an effort to self-medicate.  He got the most help when the ground-breaking drug Prozac and others that would follow became available to the mentally ill population.

When we met he was pretty well balanced, mental health wise.  The drugs were working for him.  Ours was a long distance relationship for a year when we decided that he would move to New Jersey from Ohio and move in with me.  I was 31 and I knew this was something special.  Grant was loving, generous, sensitive.  I had never met another man like him and I felt truly loved and respected.

We married in 2002.  Grant had a good job working for an insurance company that was free or at low cost for poor families. Unfortunately he happened to have the boss from Hell, and it wasn’t just him who thought so.  Part of what I loved about him was his sensitivity but it did not serve him well when it came to this woman.  Eventually, despite asking for an accommodation, they were not able to work things out and it was a mutual decision that Grant leave his job.

In his next job he worked as a Consumer Advocate, helping parents of disabled children get the services they deserved in the public school system.  Grant has never had a job that did not benefit mankind, something I really admired and envied, as while I liked my job, I often felt unfulfilled.  What was I doing to benefit humanity?

Unfortunately, after a couple of years, Grant began having difficulty there too.  He had trouble getting out of bed to face the day.  He had trouble getting through the day, and due to his OCD he was unable to keep up with the huge amounts of paperwork that the job required.  He had never asked for an accommodation and was fired in May of 2007.  He has not worked since.

When our son was born in 2006…I don’t want to blame him because Grant and I don’t regret having Tyler for one second.  Having a child, being a first time parent is hard for anyone, but for Grant it was like difficult times ten and throughout Tyler’s life I have been watching Grant sink deeper and deeper into his illnesses.

Grant is now to the point where he spends a good deal of the day just sleeping, having to medicate himself (under doctors’ watchful eyes) because life is sometimes too painful. The stress of me being chronically ill and collecting diagnoses along with our son having Tourette’s Syndrome, OCD, Anxiety and probably more doesn’t help.  Again, any husband or father would struggle having a sick wife and a child with emotional problems but for Grant it is times ten.

It’s no surprise that Grant’s mental illness has put a strain on our marriage.  Sometimes his mental illnesses make him say things that he doesn’t mean.  He will come up to me and say, “I want a divorce” or “I can’t do this any more, I need to leave, I need to go away”, only within the hour to come back to me and say he didn’t mean it and he loves me and is sorry.

It has been hard on me but I have learned to harden my heart and, as difficult as it sounds, take these kinds of things he says with a grain of salt.  Of course these conversations are not without damage to me, I would have to be soulless to say they aren’t.

I once called his therapist, crying because I couldn’t take it any more, I just couldn’t keep going on this roller coaster!  His therapist told me, “Emily, Grant adores you!  He loves you and does not want to leave you and Tyler. It is just his mental illness talking, he does not mean it!”

But as I said, these conversations do do damage to my heart and soul.

So, why do I stay? 

Because Grant is doing the very best he can.  He takes his meds, he sees his psychiatrist, he sees his therapist. He doesn’t stop trying every day.

I stay because of the love and support he has given me.  Me, with my over a dozen diagnoses and counting.  I cannot tell you how many men leave their wives when they become chronically ill, how many men cheat on their sick wives.  Grant is my biggest cheerleader.  He is my best friend.

I stay because, although he is not a perfect one, he IS a good father and tries every day to keep being a better one.  He cares almost too much about Tyler and agonizes over trying to do right by his son.  Meanwhile, Tyler thinks that Grant is the best daddy, the funniest daddy in the whole world.  Tyler doesn’t care that Grant is mentally ill, he still thinks his daddy hung the moon.

I stay because I took marriage vows.  For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.

And the number one reason why I stay?

Because no matter how the mental illnesses are destroying him, Grant is still the most loving, generous and sensitive person I have ever met.  

That person I fell in love with is STILL there.

The post Why I Stay first appeared on Mama Sick.

I first lamented the fact that I have grown too heavy to where nothing anywhere near appropriate would fit me for the meeting except for capri pants.  Except it was 63 degrees and raining.  With my swollen feet, all I have still been wearing is flip-flops.  I debated going to the store that day but decided it would be too hard on me physically to have to rush to buy proper attire.  A fancy blue t-shirt, capris, and sparkly blue “dress” flip-flops.  Lip gloss and earrings.  This was as good as it was going to get.

Grant and I had a lot to say and we knew we had to do a lot of listening.  Whenever I have to do something stressful like this, I sort of go out of my body and the “actress”, the strong and confident Emily takes over.  The one who won’t cry and freak out.  After things like this are over, I come out of them thinking “Who was that woman?  What happened in there?”

It was Grant and I, and six women ranging from the Vice-Principal to Tyler’s teacher to three Support Staff teachers; teachers who assist the regular teachers with special needs children, one of which had already been assigned to Tyler.  A bit shocking, something that huge and we have never been told this?  Tyler had spoken to me about a new teacher in the class but I had just figured it was a teacher’s aide, never dreaming she was actually Tyler’s teacher!

The support instructor read her report about my son.  It began, “Tyler is an imaginative kindergartner…” and was mostly negative from there except he had higher math skills than the average kindergartner.  It said that he frequently trips in school, especially in gym class and that he bumps into the other kids.  That he cannot grip a pencil or other writing implement tight enough or press hard enough and so he writes his name at a level far below other children his age.  That when she tested him he was very fidgety.

The worst parts of the report is that throughout the day Tyler makes explosive sounds and uses his hands as if he is playing with them.  She said that she believed Tyler has a secret language known only to himself!

And then his teacher said that Tyler hates certain children but will not tell her why and that today he told another child that he was going to cut off his head.

Some of the things she said about Tyler I was ready to rebut, to explain.   A lot of it was worse than I thought.  We have daily problems with Tyler saying he hates us and he wants to kill us, I didn’t know that this was starting to happen in school.

Grant and I had taken notes.  Grant talked first about Tyler’s OCD, Anxiety and Tourette’s Syndrome and about how some of these things may be contributing factors, such as his poor handwriting and so-called poor gross motor skills.  He also told the team that Tyler has been bullied twice at two different daycares.

Then it was my turn.  I told him that he had no confidence, he knew he was not as good as me or even some other children and he was reluctant to try.  How at home he would yell at me, “I will never be as smart as you!”  How he knows when he is being tested, examined or evaluated and gets very nervous.  I told him how he plays games on my iPhone, uses an adult scissors and cuts well, and uses the touch mouse on my MacBook Air so the poor fine motor skills are not adding up at home.  I explained how in preschool when he was uninterested in a lesson how he would stop paying attention, go play and yet still learn the lesson because he was still listening.

Grant and I both said that we did not doubt that Tyler was making explosive noises but that he does not do that at home except when he is playing and we had never heard him speak anything but English.

We told them we were aware of Tyler’s verbal attacks and that we have an appointment scheduled for a child psychologist.

As Grant and I talked, I could see the team’s faces; lightbulbs going off in their heads, and all of them taking furious notes.

Unfortunately we were out of time!  We all agreed that for two weeks his teacher and his support teacher would work on trying to minimize Tyler’s disruption to the class and that we would meet again.  The Guidance Counselor told us she would be happy to start working with Tyler now that she had a clearer picture.

That night we received a call from the woman assigned to be Tyler’s Case Manager.  She said that she and the team were blown away at how Grant and I had contributed to the meeting.  That more than half the time the parents do not even show up and if they do, they don’t say a word.  She thanked us for being willing to share so much of Tyler’s background and that this was one of the most productive meetings she had ever been at.

Grant and I were surprised.  Aren’t parents supposed to show up to these meetings?  Aren’t they supposed to say things that can clarify what the teachers are seeing in order to better understand their child?

I don’t give ourselves any extra credit for “coming off” well at the meeting.  It’s just what any good parent would do for their child.

The post The Meeting With the School first appeared on Mama Sick.

“We meet with the school on Wednesday”, he told me.  I was in shock and I said, “For what?” “To see how we can help Tyler.”

I felt angry at the teacher.  We had been having problems with Tyler at home, mostly with anger, but when I met face to face with her two weeks ago on Back to School Night, she assured me that Tyler was doing well in school!  We had been so relieved.  To everyone who would ask I would say, “Knock on wood and thank God, there has been no trouble at school.”  We were thanking whatever lucky stars we had that Tyler seemed to be able to handle a “normal” education.  Just yesterday I had made an appointment with a child psychologist.

I told her, “Tyler is an angel about 90% of the time, the other 10% is a big problem.”

And now I feel like a walking zombie knowing that what I told her yesterday was not the truth.

I know my anger is misguided but I want to yell at the teacher, “How did you look at me two weeks ago and tell me there were no problems with my child?  Why did you let me think that??”

I realize that this teacher is one who has been teaching kindergarten for over 35 years and that her approach was to try to diffuse the situation herself, and her calling us yesterday was her saying “I cannot do this alone.”  But I can’t help feeling angry!  She let us think there were NO PROBLEMS at school with Tyler!  She allowed us to breathe false sighs of relief, to live in a state of ignorance!

Gross and fine motor skills??  Yes, I knew that Tyler was behind but I have been seeing improvements that she could never see, not knowing him for that long.  I see the way his writing has improved and how his artwork is getting better.  I watch him use the grownup scissors when we do his homework and am amazed at how well he cuts with them!  For godsakes, this is just kindergarten, and he has only turned five a month ago, just how advanced is he supposed to be??

Doesn’t she know how smart Tyler is?  All I have ever heard from teachers and ordinary people was that Tyler was an extremely smart child, a special person.  How funny he is? How empathic?  How strangers’ mouths drop open or how they laugh when they hear my son speak?

Where is that boy in all of this???

Grant and I had no time to grieve.  It was time to go to the bus stop.  We both want to shut down, or at the very least, call our friends and family, but we are up against a three day weekend and how are we going to talk about Tyler when he will be with us all weekend long?

I feel so thankful that I have this blog, this outlet for me.  Where I can get it out and let the tears fall as I write these words.

Last night we questioned Tyler about the explosive noises.  We gave him very little explanation and he knew exactly what we were talking about.  We stressed that we were not mad at him, for him to just tell us the truth.  “Tyler”, Grant asked, “Can you stop doing those things at school or do you feel you have to do them?”  “I can’t stop it.  I have to do it, daddy.”

Maybe this is strange but I felt a bit of relief at that statement.  Tyler is not being “bad”.  It is either a tic or his OCD.  We can help him, this is not a new diagnosis, he is not a “bad kid”.

A large part of me wants to scream at God Why?? Isn’t it enough that Grant and I are disabled? Why did you have to saddle my child with a whole other set of disabilities that for the most part are very different from our own?  How are we supposed to deal with this when we are already so taxed with our own sicknesses and the poverty and stress that come with them? How can you throw this at us too?

One thing we do have going for us is that Grant used to be a Consumer Advocate for children with disabilities, and we have that knowledge going into this meeting what the school is obligated to do for us.

Until then, and especially this weekend, I need to put this news behind me and concentrate as always on giving Tyler the unconditional love he needs and making my head rule my body as I must keep on going, keep on doing the normal weekend stuff and going forward with the plans we had this weekend, like going to our local farm’s annual Fall Festival.

There is nothing I can do this weekend, nothing I can do until Wednesday, except to continue to strive to give Tyler the childhood and life he so very much deserves, as much as my disabilities or money will allow.

And this weekend, keeping it all together is the most important thing I have to do…for my son.

The post The School Called first appeared on Mama Sick.

The thing I like most about our book club is that you do not write a review of the book, but must write a post about what the book makes you think about.  As soon as Annie Walsh’s brother, Calder, was introduced, within the first dozen pages or so, I had my inspiration.  I caught on right away that something was not “right” with Calder, as the author and Annie noted his tics, and that they had started again.

Tourette’s Syndrome.  My son has had it since he was two and a half years old.  Yes, you read that right, two and a half.  There is a family history of mental illness, including OCD. Males are affected three to four times more often than females.  And after extensive trauma in his life and being bullied by his former friend in daycare (yes, bullied), my son was a trussed up target for Tourette’s.

I’ll never forget the first time I saw it.  Tyler kept blinking his eyes, hyper-blinking.  I thought at first “allergies”, but he had no other symptoms.  We then took him to an opthamologist who prounounced his vision better than most toddlers his age.  We were baffled.

But then we began to notice sniffing, throat clearing, heavy breathing and yawning.  I called the pediatric nurse a couple of times in a panic only to be told if my son was having trouble breathing he would be “laying like a wet towel on the couch.”  Tyler was not only NOT sitting around, in fact, the blinking, sniffing, coughing, etc. seemed to get worse when he was active.

Finally at three-years-old, a Pediatric Neurologist diagnosed my child with Tourette’s, along with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  I did not want to believe it; just because my three-year-old put together a puzzle in a certain way, he had OCD??  Maybe he was just smart!

But sure enough, the OCD has also manifested itself in my son.

I think in my child’s five years of life, the worst time with the Tourette’s was when he started coughing uncontrollably when we would try to put him in his “big boy” bed.  Tyler was so scared about being left alone in a room (and STILL is) that he would begin to cough.  “I can’t stop coughing,” he would tell me, and I would try to rub his back to soothe his anxiety. Finally, after this going on for a couple of weeks and him not being able to sleep, every night to midnight or one ‘o clock, I took him to bed with me, where, being with his Mommy, he was finally able to stop tic-ing and rest peacefully.

Between sleeping in a sleeping bag by my bed and being in bed with me, Tyler spent almost two years in my room, with Grant forced to sleep on the couch.

A lot of mothers said it was the wrong thing to do, but I say until you live it, until you helplessly watch your child cough so much he can hardly breathe, then you can tell ME what I should do.

And now he has come to the age where he realizes that sleeping with Mommy is not the right thing to do.  He is still too scared and anxious to sleep alone in his own room and so he has graduated to the love seat, where Grant still sleeps on the couch.  Someday I believe I WILL have my husband back!

With Tyler’s form of Tourette’s, he is mostly able to hold back his tics during the school day. As soon as Grant would pick him up from pre-school he would start to tic.  Like many children with Tourette’s, he feels comfortable enough with Grant and I to “let loose”.  He has only been in kindergarten for a few weeks but even through pre-school, the Tourette’s never affected him “academically”.

At Tyler’s age, it is common for the tics to wax and wane, and for many months now, except for a few weeks when he was very nervous about starting kindergarten, we have noticed few tics.  It is indeed possible that he does not have true Tourette’s; that this is just developmental, and that he could stop tic-ing altogether.

But I can’t help wondering…will he be able to make something of himself like Calder was able to in Carry Yourself Back to Me, or will his Tourette’s lead him to trouble, like it also does with Calder?  I worry about him being teased in school.  I have heard all of the great success stories of kids who had Tourette’s and grew up to be extremely successful and then I have heard the stories of kids who fall in to drugs, get in to trouble with the law, and wind up living with their parents in their adult years, unable to even get a job.

As a parent, all I can do is to do my best to educate myself, to observe, and give Tyler the help he needs.  At this time Grant and I are looking for a child psychologist for him.

And I can love him…

and…

Wait.

Myths About Tourette’s Syndrome                                                                                                             

The post Wondering About My Son’s Future first appeared on Mama Sick.

We are counting down the days to your birthday party with Spider-Man and all of your friends.  Five more days!  I made a calendar for you to show you what your important days were for September. Not only was it your birthday but you started kindergarten!  You are in big-boy school!  What a month for you!  Today begins your second week of school.  You tell me you like it but that it is a long day!  You claim that your girlfriend is in your school, but we don’t know if we believe you.

You grew up a lot this year.  You are no longer afraid of dogs.  You are no longer afraid of the flush in a public restroom.  These things that Mommy worried about are no more.

Right now, dear son, I am worried about how you will do in school.  How or if your Tourette’s Syndrome or OCD and other issues will affect you.  I am worried that once you get comfortable with school you might start acting out.  You are still acting out at home, and our 90-day checks for good behavior chart to get a prize takes a long time to fill out.

You are finally moving out of my bed, realizing that this isn’t the right place for you.  You often sleep on our love seat, you are still not ready yet to sleep in your own room, but I know that it will be soon and I better start looking for some new furniture for you and quickly!  You still cannot be left alone. Mommy cannot get the mail without you, or the newspaper, and if we walk what you consider to be too far away from you in a store, you start screaming for us, fearing that we will leave you behind.  I think it is normal for what you have been through, and I know you will grow out of all of these things with time.

You love girls.  Every girl you meet you want to be her boyfriend.  You are so handsome, it is not just me who says so, so I know it to be true!  You are going to break a lot of hearts and maybe soon!

Your favorite shows are The Mickey Mouse Club House, Phineas and Ferb, and so many of the Cartoon Network shows.  You love watching the Batman cartoon and all of the Spider-Man Movies, and two Spider-Man t.v. series that we have on DVD.

Spider-Man is still your favorite toy, favorite everything.  For the third year in a row, you are going as Spider-Man for Halloween!  This time you will be going back to the “Red” Spider-Man.

You love your Batman toys too, everything that is superhero.  You love Legos and have created some amazing things with them.  You are starting to collect the Lego Ninjago series and Mommy is loving doing them with you.

You started karate this summer and you love it!  You look so cute in your uniform!  So small!  I really hope you keep up with it because I know that it will help you with your concentration and behavior issues.  It will help you not be the victim of a bully.  It will let you know that if you ever needed to, you can defend yourself, but I hope you never need to.

You saw your first movie this year! You saw Cars 2 this summer and so far you have seen Winnie the Pooh and The Smurfs.  Daddy and I enjoyed seeing them with you too.  You weigh too little for the chair and you hate the booster seat so you sort of lean through the whole movie.  Soon enough you will be big enough to sit in the comfy movie chairs.

You are so smart, you honestly scare me.  You quote from movies and television programs, I am amazed at your memory.  You cannot read yet but you memorize the books and are able to “read” them to the therapy dog I took you to, to get over your fear of dogs, and the other children.  You “get” things that you are too young to be getting.  You see the two different levels of the Looney Tunes cartoons.  I worry that you will “out-brain” me soon, if you haven’t already.  You love to play practical jokes, make up scenes and plays with your superhero characters; you have an amazing imagination.

I didn’t know that you would be pulling away from me already, my baby.  It is already hard to get a “real” hug or cuddle.  I sneak them while we are gently rough-housing, if that can be a phrase.  You know how easy it is to hurt Mommy.  You have accepted me for who I am, how I look, the bandages I need to wear.  People right in front of you are always asking what is wrong with me, because they think I broke both of my wrists.  I bet you wonder why they do that.

On your 5th birthday, yes, you do have some real issues that we are going to have to deal with, but for the most part you are a delight to be around.  Know that no matter how tough things may get, that I will always love you.  When you, Daddy, and I are watching the new Looney Tunes show on Tuesday nights, there is no where else I would rather be in the whole world, and I cannot imagine being any more content.

Happy Birthday, my darling boy, from the person who I think loves you more than any other person does, or will ever will.  I am looking forward to seeing what five-year-old you will bring.

Always on the go! Taken the weekend before his fifth birthday.

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