Tuesdays With Tyler: The Biggest Champion, The Smallest Child

(If you have been keeping track of me via Google+ (Emily Cullen), Facebook, or Twitter (@mamasick), you will know that I went to the E.R. again today.  For the second time in four days, if you are counting.  I do plan on writing a full blog, but today is Tuesday, and that always means “Tuesdays With Tyler” and so I didn’t want to cheat him, or so many who actually really love this part of my blog.  I will just say that I am home, they did rule out anything to do with my reproductive organs, which Lupus can attack, but they have not ruled out appendicitis.  The best case scenario is that it is a Spastic Colon, G.I. related type of issue.  I do have Ulcerative Colitis which is usually very quiet and I will make an appointment to see my Gastroenterologist.)

As amazing as Tyler is, is as sad I am that he has to be this amazing.  A child four-and-a-half, almost five should not have to be so wise, so empathic.  I wanted to write some examples of how not just how incredible I think my child is, but how incredible others around me think about him.  And then you can decide.

There are so many stories, I can only pick a few for length’s sake.

On Monday, I cannot believe that was only yesterday, Tyler started a week of Sports Camp.  I knew where the school was but it turned out I didn’t know where in the school Sports Camp was.  We wound up having to walk the length of about two blocks, briskly.  “Oh, my God”, perhaps I shouldn’t have said this out loud but I did.  “I cannot do this.  I cannot possibly walk back to the car.”  As we neared other people going to the gym, Tyler started to ask, “Can anyone help my mommy?  She cannot walk back to the car.  My mommy is sick. Can anyone drive my mommy back to her car?” He got me a ride home.

I also had my emergency appointment with my Rheumatologist yesterday.  Not surprisingly he said my Lupus is out of control as is my Fibromylagia.  He ordered blood work, wanted to see me next week and gave me a prescription for steroids.  It is the steroid prescription that I have a problem with. I have been sick since I was 16 but I have always been lucky enough, or have found a way to avoid steroids.  Mostly for vanity’s sake, I have to admit.  I have, while not any Eating Disorders, a big problem with being comfortable in my own skin.  And ever since I have had Lupus, I don’t seem to have a say in how much I weigh and my weight has fluctuated greatly.  Lately I have been gaining weight and I am around my heaviest ever. The thought of taking steroids and having the side effects of weight gain and facial mooning…let’s just say, it’s going to do a lot to my self esteem.

I was telling Tyler about the changes that Mommy is going to be going through.  That I may look a little funny but that it is going to help me get better and that I still will be Mommy.  “But you still will be pretty, Mommy”, he told me.  “Thank you, baby”, I said, as I hugged him and tried not to cry.  How can my little man be so young and already know what to say to a woman?

And also yesterday, Tyler and I went grocery shopping, just for a few things.  Tyler insisted on helping me with the cart as he knows it is too heavy for me to push without pain.  Usually he will take the whole cart, but of course I had picked one with a bad wheel, so we both had to push.  Him trying to help me actually made it more difficult and people behind us sighed impatiently.  I had to turn around to them and say, “I’m sorry, but I am sick and my little boy insists on helping me with the cart because he knows that it is too painful for me.”  And I watched their looks of annoyance with us change into either looks of shock or smiles.

Here I am at just over 700 words, and all that was just yesterday.  I feel so blessed in the gift that God gave to me that is my son.  The skinniest, longest string bean…who is the strongest man in the world to me.

Tyler and I at a Pirate themed birthday party, about a month ago.  Arrgghh!

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About mamasick

Emily Cullen is a pen-name. I suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases which include Bipolar Disorder, Asthma, Diabetes and Fibromyalgia. I had battled Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis but there is no longer evidence of me having these diseases and my Rheumatologist has declared them to be "burnt out" of my system. I am separated from my husband, “Grant”. Our son, “Tyler” was born in September of 2006 and suffers from tics and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is delayed in fine and gross motor skills. In my blog I seek to let sick moms know that they are not the only ones going through this, and to educate people about what can happens when one becomes catastrophically ill. I also strive to break down stereotypes of what a “Welfare Mom” is like. Anything that I have gone through due to being sick, is written on the pages of Mama Sick.

7 Responses to Tuesdays With Tyler: The Biggest Champion, The Smallest Child

  1. Dave Z. says:

    Emily, knowing you as I do, I second Tyler’s comment that no matter what, you’ll always be pretty. It’s the inside that counts, and your inner beauty shows through, even through the pain. If steriods will help, then I say go for it, and get what relief you can. And know that we pray for you always.

  2. Tendai says:

    Those spasms are awful but you do have a wonderful boy. You are blessed that he is so empathetic and can see your needs. He actually seems very advanced in this area because kids are really all about the ID and Tyler is aware of your needs. He must be gifted to see these things. Perhaps this is what he is supposed to do with his life and God is preparing him young. I know it would make you feel bad that he is looking out for you but perhaps as an adult he will look out for the needs of groups of people and initiate change. A great politician, a social worker, a lobbyist for AARP, a human rights activist or a minister. Whatever the case, it is wonderful that he can see and make things happen for you. You are blessed even in your sucky circumstances. The Amplified version of the bible says blessed, happy, fortunate, to be envied every time the word blessed is used. I do envy how Tyler looks out for you.

  3. Tina says:

    Aww! Tyler is so sweet! I teared up when he said you’d still be beautiful! Great boy you have there!

  4. You are blessed with a beautiful boy! And just think of what a beautiful compassionate heart is being built in him! God can do great things through someone who knows how to actively love others! Tyler will be such a man!

    Added you to my Google+ circles. So sorry to hear you’re in the midst of such a struggle!

  5. mer says:

    Oh my. He is so sweet.

  6. Very sweet. What a great kid.

    I have avoided weight gain on steroids, long term, with Low carb, but you’ve read my blog and know that story. The face and fluid bloat is temporary. It might be worth feeling better.

    Lupus out of control is a bad thing from what little I know.

    Hope you feel better.


  7. Mrs4444 says:

    This post will be a gift to him one day, even though I know you tell him regularly how awesome he is. Thanks for linking it up 🙂

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