This book was given to me at no cost as a member of the From Left to Write book club. This post was inspired by this book.
The Stuff That Never Happened by Maddie Dawson is a book with a “What If?” type of plot. Annabelle McKay marries young and quickly, and finds herself having an affair with her husband’s mentor and best friend. Ultimately Annabelle and Jeremiah do not leave their spouses but Annabelle spends the next quarter century of her marriage to Grant thinking and fantasizing about Jeremiah on a daily basis.
I think we all play the “What If?” game, particularly when we are experiencing down or difficult times in our lives. What if I had married my long time boyfriend or “Man X”? What if I had never left my first career path? What if I had decided to major in Education in college instead of Communications?
For me, though, playing the “What If?” game doesn’t really work because when you live a life with chronic illnesses and pain, you sort of have the answer to a lot of your questions. It doesn’t matter who I married, what I chose for my profession or what I chose to major in, because in the end, I still would have wound up being sick.
What if I had not gotten sick? Well, some of the answers are easy. I would be most likely earning a six figure salary, I probably would have had more children, I would be living in a house instead of an apartment which we have outgrown. If I play the “What If?” game, I could honestly go crazy so I stopped playing it a long time ago.
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross defines the five stages of accepting a chronic illness as: 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Depression 4. Bargaining (“If I give more to charity my diseases will go away”) and 5. Acceptance.
I’ve been going back and forth between Stages 2 and 3 for a long time now, but that’s what medication and therapy is for! I guess, subconsciously, I really am still playing the “What If?” game.
In life we make choices. You change them if you are really unhappy, or, if you feel committed to them, you do what you can to make them better. Or if you are stuck in a situation not of your choosing, you play the hand you’ve been dealt and try to live your life as best as you can. I will still continue to strive for Acceptance.
::is playing the WHAT IF game and reading blogs to try to distract self::
.-= Mer´s last blog ..Culture Camp 2010- Learned about a Learning Opp =-.
Striving for acceptance is a good goal. And being ok with being angry and depressed is a good goal too. Being a cancer survivor, I know what its like to be sick and out of control. There is NO choice about being sick. But we always have a choice as to how to deal with it. We might have days that are great (acceptance) and days that suck (anger/depression). Knowing we’ll have a great day every once in a while, despite the illness, gives me hope.
.-= Linsey Krolik´s last blog ..A Parallel Life =-.
“What if” is a good question, but only when it is applied to the present moment, such as: What if I quit reading all these blogs and go put the laundry away instead? Otherwise, it is not that helpful.
.-= Sharon´s last blog ..Miss Landers Book Club Reviews- The Stuff That Never Happened by Maddie Dawson 2010 =-.
What a gift to read your blog this morn. I’ve been pondering the “what’s next” for our family. Oh, and the preverbial “why” of my mom’s chronic illness. I agree – what ifs – conjure up stress and disapointment (some anger too). Here’s to finding acceptance and the peace it brings. Perhap, we’ll meet along that path …
.-= Michele Spring Fajeau´s last blog ..Choices Guide – Love Defines =-.
Annabelle’s troubles seem puny by comparison when compared with real-life illness and trying to cope. Thank you for thinking of this book and for taking time to write a review of it while you’re dealing with the “what-ifs” and “what’s nexts” in your own life. And I wish you the very best!
Thank you so much!
.-= Maddie Dawson´s last blog ..Where do characters REALLY come from =-.
Don’t torture yourself with the game. I know it well. And I have to admit that I am happiest when I live where I am, when I exist in my present and dream about my future. You have a big future ahead of you. Dream it big!
.-= Nicki´s last blog ..I did it again… =-.
It’s amazing how I cycle through the stages of grief. I’ll be grooving with acceptance, only to find myself angry and depressed one day. After 15 years, I mostly can flow with it. Depression passes pretty quickly for me if I fully indulge it. I get bored being in bed.
But oh the What if’s! The life I’d planned is not the life I’m living. I like this life better in many ways, especially if I could fully excise the discomfort.
Thanks for sharing your helpful thoughts! My favorite What If is: What If I HAD sent all those chain letters? They said something bad would happen–and it DID! (jk)