The idea for this post came to me about an hour ago and I knew I had to write it quickly for fear it would fall out of my brain.
Be it depression, physical symptoms or a combination thereof I have been feeling “stupid” for quite some time now. Often I feel I have nothing to do, I feel quite bored. Even though there are always things to do with all the media available to me, it’s as if my brain can’t handle anything remotely intellectual.
I used to read a book a week, now I can’t even read a light mystery, I just can’t get through it. I can’t concentrate on the news or anything on television that is quality. Yesterday I tried to watch “CBS Sunday News” and I couldn’t even make it through the opening. I am just lost. “Sex in the City”, “The Golden Girls” and game shows seem to be the only programs I can pay attention to.
Blogging has become extremely difficult for me, just writing this is a struggle. I am no longer the prolific, talented writer I used to be, and I watch my once successful blog fall down the Alexa Rank and feel powerless to stop it. I cannot churn out the content required to keep people coming to my site. I look back on my posts that were smartly written, that made people cry, that gave people hope, that educated others and I wonder if I will ever be able to do that again.
As I write this ideas come into my head but I lose them before they can even get written down. In seconds they are gone.
I am disappointed in this post. It is redundant and I can’t even think of the other ways to describe how displeased I am with it. The words don’t come.
Will I live this dumbed-down existence for the rest of my life?
I think I will stop here.
I guess no matter how I write my blog or how often, my goals for it remain the same. That people who are experiencing this will know that they are not alone, that I will educate others about how this feels and that I will receive support from people who read this.