When I Look in the Mirror…

This is my first time posting with Finish the Sentence Friday. If you would like to link up or check it out you can do so here.

Today’s prompt is “When I Look in the Mirror…”

My first thought is …I see nothing good. Before I became chronically ill with conditions such as Lupus and depression, I though nothing of doing my hair and makeup every day, for work and the weekends. I never thought of going anywhere without doing myself up and I was pleased with my reflection.

Then I became sick and doing my hair, blowdrying it or curling it, became too painful. I could no longer stand up to do my makeup. Eventually I just didn’t bother any more. I was always clean, but could no longer improve my appearance. I wonder now where pretty went to.

I’ve been suffering from depression for a long time and it is both mentally and physically exhausting. I still do not have the energy to do my hair, going outside with it wet even in the winter. Because I have not blown it dry my hair frizzes up and I hate it.

I also see a double chin or two when I look in the mirror. I have gained 50 pounds from the psychiatric medications I am taking. I have lost some of the weight but still hate how fat my face looks.

When I look into the mirror I see someone who is mentally ill. I feel like I stand out in the crowd, like you could pick me out and tell I am sick. I feel like I don’t belong.

There are some things that do make me feel better about myself. I do color and cut my hair on a regular basis at a salon which also does my makeup for free. I feel like I look good every couple of months or so! And I also joined a Facebook group called “Pretty Sick”, which is a group that believes that just because you are sick doesn’t mean you have to look it. Now when I go out I make sure I put on lip gloss, that is easy enough to do.

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Make-up_mirror

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About mamasick

Emily Cullen is a pen-name. I suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases which include Bipolar Disorder, Asthma, Diabetes and Fibromyalgia. I had battled Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis but there is no longer evidence of me having these diseases and my Rheumatologist has declared them to be "burnt out" of my system. I am separated from my husband, “Grant”. Our son, “Tyler” was born in September of 2006 and suffers from tics and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is delayed in fine and gross motor skills. In my blog I seek to let sick moms know that they are not the only ones going through this, and to educate people about what can happens when one becomes catastrophically ill. I also strive to break down stereotypes of what a “Welfare Mom” is like. Anything that I have gone through due to being sick, is written on the pages of Mama Sick.
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10 Responses to When I Look in the Mirror…

  1. ruchira says:

    Emily, besides all the cons I am sure when you look within your eyes…you will see how bravely you have lived your life despite all the flaws that show upon your skin 🙂
    xoxo

    • mamasick says:

      I’m sure going to try! Some of the posts on this prompt were really inspiring and I will try to look in the mirror at someone whom under the circumstances, looks pretty good! Thanks for stopping by!

  2. Here’s to putting on lipgloss when we can and to knowing our limits. So glad you joined up with Finish the Sentence! I hope you’ll link up again!

    • mamasick says:

      Knowing your limits IS key when you have chronic illness as I’d rather put the energy spent doing myself up into doing something with my son! I’m glad I found this link up too, Kristi, thanks for the welcome!

  3. Lizzi says:

    Sounds like you’ve reached out and found communities of people who understand and can support you, which is HUGE, so here’s to makeup when we can manage it, and encouragement and the knowledge that we’re doing all we can against the uphill battle, when we can’t. The mirror, sadly, doesn’t show the difference.

    • mamasick says:

      I have found many communities and other people with chronic illness whom I call friends. I don’t know what I would do without the internet! Thanks for stopping by, Lizzi!

  4. Hi: Great that you’ve joined up with FTSF — I’ve found it to be a very supportive and welcoming group. I can sympathize with your feelings as you looking into the mirror, although I don’t have the same difficulties as those from which you suffer (I’m reasonably healthy, but my oldest boy has special needs, which impacts me differently on the inside). I’m sending you warm feelings for your journey both in the mirror and in the rest of your life!

  5. April G says:

    Welcome to FTSF. I try to put on makeup. I don’t have any reason why except laziness.

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