No One’s in the Kitchen With Dinah

For about five months one of my best friends had been being paid to help me cook dinners, provide care for Tyler when we needed a break, and to tidy up our home.  A few weeks ago her father started having medical problems along with financial ones.  So I can’t say it came as a real surprise when on Monday she told me that she would not be able to continue with us as it had all become too much for her.  

Still, I was devastated because I know that I really need her help, especially when it comes to cooking.  Although the doctors still aren’t sure why, I have severe cramping in my calves constantly, with some relief with narcotics.  It is difficult to stand for more than a few minutes or walk more than a few hundred yards, if not impossible.  Grant and I put into Action Plan B, which is a service that provides home cooked meals, but it won’t start until Saturday.  

So, just a few days, right, to either order out or cook?  Last night I made homemade beef barley soup with lots of veggies.  I felt really good that I was able to do that for my family, and maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all.  About an hour ago I started to make dinner.  The pork chops have defrosted, the Middle Eastern grains are boiling.  I am looking for a cover for a pot when I realize:   I CAN’T FUCKING DO THIS!  I’m standing, I’m bending, I’m reaching and I am in just too much PAIN, I know I cannot finish this dinner!  I throw out the pork chops and the grains (the waste!).  But all I can think of is getting off my feet so the pain will subside.

It’s one of those days, which, most of the time, it always is.  I cannot feed my family.  I never loved to cook but I was decent at it and it used to feel good, being able to cook healthy from scratch meals.  I’m so frustrated.  Sure, I know that people who can’t stand can cook, but accomodations have been made; they’re in wheelchairs, their kitchens have been redesigned, they are in a bigger space…I just can’t say if this will be for the rest of my life.  But how long before I can, or how long before I can feel well enough to cook again?

And yes, I can teach Grant to cook, but he isn’t going to cook the way I would.

Until then, the kitchen is closed.

Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Facebook
  • TwitThis

About mamasick

Emily Cullen is a pen-name. I suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases which include Bipolar Disorder, Asthma, Diabetes and Fibromyalgia. I had battled Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis but there is no longer evidence of me having these diseases and my Rheumatologist has declared them to be "burnt out" of my system. I am separated from my husband, “Grant”. Our son, “Tyler” was born in September of 2006 and suffers from tics and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is delayed in fine and gross motor skills. In my blog I seek to let sick moms know that they are not the only ones going through this, and to educate people about what can happens when one becomes catastrophically ill. I also strive to break down stereotypes of what a “Welfare Mom” is like. Anything that I have gone through due to being sick, is written on the pages of Mama Sick.

2 Responses to No One’s in the Kitchen With Dinah

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge