A Setback

Sometimes I think I am just not meant to get well, as if someone, somewhere (God?) is punishing me.  But logically I know that isn’t true, it just feels like it.

My Costochondritis has flared to the point where I have decided I must put physical therapy for my legs on hold and take care of this first.  It is the worst flare of Costo I have had in about five years, I can feel it right through the Percocet that I take for my leg pain.  It is flaring in a lot of ribs but the worst are near my lungs.  Taking good breaths is difficult and it is leaving me completely exhausted.  I wake up wondering how long I have until I can sleep again.

It is much more debilitating than my legs.  Sometimes I can barely speak and I just feel like I always need to speak quietly.  Forget singing to my son.  Forget my voiceover work, the only income that I have coming in right now.  It’s got to be taken care of as quickly as possible.

The massage that I had on Sunday did not help.  I am going to go back to my Physiatrist who treated me for my Costo back then through acupuncture.  I can’t start seeing her until Wednesday and I wonder how I will make it until then and how I will get through the weekend.

I had to call my Physical Therapist and tell him what was going on.  I let him know that I thought what he was doing was really helping and I wanted to go back to him but that this was the more pressing issue and he agreed.

I feel so down about this turn of events.  Just when I am finally starting to make some progress with my legs after about nine months of pain I get a Costo flare, when I haven’t had one for five years!!

That analogy about how I describe myself to people holds true.  I am like an old car.  Just when you fix something on me, something else breaks.

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About mamasick

Emily Cullen is a pen-name. I suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases which include Bipolar Disorder, Asthma, Diabetes and Fibromyalgia. I had battled Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis but there is no longer evidence of me having these diseases and my Rheumatologist has declared them to be "burnt out" of my system. I am separated from my husband, “Grant”. Our son, “Tyler” was born in September of 2006 and suffers from tics and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is delayed in fine and gross motor skills. In my blog I seek to let sick moms know that they are not the only ones going through this, and to educate people about what can happens when one becomes catastrophically ill. I also strive to break down stereotypes of what a “Welfare Mom” is like. Anything that I have gone through due to being sick, is written on the pages of Mama Sick.

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