Last week as part of the ChronicBabe blog carnival I was asked to write about Gratitude. I decided to write about the people in my life whom I was grateful for, but after I sent it over to them, I realized I had forgotten the most important person in the world to me, Tyler!
I am grateful to God first, that despite being sick I was able to become pregnant and have my baby. God gave me such a special little boy. Before Tyler, I never knew that it was possible to love someone so much. To actually be “in love” with a child.
I don’t know where I would be without Tyler. Times are so tough for us right now, what if there was no Tyler, would I still want to be on this earth?
Tyler is the reason that keeps me going; keeps me moving despite the pain and depression I have. I know Tyler needs me. I know he would not be better off without me. As hard as it is, as poor as we are, I am Tyler’s Mommy and I don’t believe he would have it any other way.
Despite the usual temper tantrums that every kid has, he is simply a wonderful person. People have told me that about him. That he is special, that he is very smart, so it’s not just me bragging!
I love looking at life from his eyes. My childhood was a happy one and when I read him Curious George or any of Richard Scarry’s Busy Town books, when I watch It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, or take him to a carnival, I am reliving my childhood.
I (mostly) adore everything that comes out of his mouth, I love his humor, his creativity and how he loves to sing.
When I am depressed he is the reason I get out of bed, and it makes me feel better being around him. Even though it’s hard to accomplish things when he’s around, I miss him when he is not. He brings joy and love into my darkness.
I have a beautiful bracelet with Tyler’s name, and a hand stamped necklace with his name, his birth stones and the moon and starts, as he was fascinated with them when he was little. I also have a locket.
Every day when I go out, I wear one of those things, and no matter how sick I feel I think, “Do it for Tyler”. Every day I live is for Tyler.