Depressed…Again

In the middle of all of the tests I have been going through, I find myself in another episode of depression.

All I want to do is watch mindless t.v., if that. I can’t concentrate on anything, I feel like I have absolutely NO interest in doing anything and so I have been sleeping a lot. Like so much I didn’t think it was possible to sleep this much.

I feel so guilty about when I can’t do anything with Tyler and he just plays video games, but the feeling to sleep is so powerful. I am glad that Grant can entertain him when he has him on his days.

I am behind in calls I have to make and bills I have to pay. I can’t seem to face the grown-up things I have to do, I feel frightened.

My psychiatrist has been on medical leave until today and I have a call into her. My therapist is also on medical leave until August 8th. I really like the two of them and do not want to leave the practice. My alternative is to call a county “talk” line but then I’m afraid I’ll wind up in a behavioral health care facility, when all I really need is a medication adjustment.

I am trying to plug along today but it is so dreary out, it is perfect napping weather.

I feel like the biggest loser in the world, and at the same time I am probably gaining weight because I am so inactive.

I am so tired of this depression.

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About mamasick

Emily Cullen is a pen-name. I suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases which include Bipolar Disorder, Asthma, Diabetes and Fibromyalgia. I had battled Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis but there is no longer evidence of me having these diseases and my Rheumatologist has declared them to be "burnt out" of my system. I am separated from my husband, “Grant”. Our son, “Tyler” was born in September of 2006 and suffers from tics and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is delayed in fine and gross motor skills. In my blog I seek to let sick moms know that they are not the only ones going through this, and to educate people about what can happens when one becomes catastrophically ill. I also strive to break down stereotypes of what a “Welfare Mom” is like. Anything that I have gone through due to being sick, is written on the pages of Mama Sick.
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