I moved to Ohio almost two and a half years ago and have yet to find a girlfriend. I have Jacques to love and support me and even Grant but I miss getting together with my girlfriends. My three best friends are out of state. I consider the people I meet online friends, some of them I’ve talked to on the phone and even some who have lent me money, but I long for a friend whom I could go out and get coffee with. I’ve tried to make friends with some of Tyler’s friends’ mothers but that hasn’t seemed to work out, in fact they never ask us for a play date again and I blame myself that I’ve done or said something wrong

Of course a large part of this is due to being depressed and mentally ill. It’s hard to put myself out there. I have a perception of myself that people can tell I am mentally ill, that they can see it in my appearance or my clothes, and I am also ashamed and unconfident because of my weight.

If I were to find a friend, do I tell her about my mental illness? What do I tell her when she asks what do I do for work?

There is a part of me that says I don’t need any friends, that I should just concentrate on being the best mom I can be to Tyler and it doesn’t matter if I have girlfriends. That I should be more concerned about whether or not he has friends, that my good times are over.

It’s possible I can meet friends through my church but mentally I cannot get it together to go to church and I would suppose these women are regular church goers.

Do you find yourself isolated by your illness?

Do you have any ideas on how I could make friends?

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About mamasick

Emily Cullen is a pen-name. I suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases which include Bipolar Disorder, Asthma, Diabetes and Fibromyalgia. I had battled Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis but there is no longer evidence of me having these diseases and my Rheumatologist has declared them to be "burnt out" of my system. I am separated from my husband, “Grant”. Our son, “Tyler” was born in September of 2006 and suffers from tics and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is delayed in fine and gross motor skills. In my blog I seek to let sick moms know that they are not the only ones going through this, and to educate people about what can happens when one becomes catastrophically ill. I also strive to break down stereotypes of what a “Welfare Mom” is like. Anything that I have gone through due to being sick, is written on the pages of Mama Sick.
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