Fearing a Rough Holiday Week Ahead

It makes me feel so guilty to say this but whenever I know we will have a long weekend with Tyler being home, I get anxious about how I will handle him and how I will feel doing it.  I love being with my son but my body just does not want to cooperate.  Laying down during the middle of the day is a must for me and I do get some energy back doing it but there are just some days next week where that will just not be possible.  Like Thanksgiving Day, for example!

On Tuesday morning I have a WIC appointment that Tyler has to come to.  I will then bring him to daycare.  But in the afternoon I have a follow-up appointment with my endocrinologist. I’m stressed out.  I know it sounds crazy, but will I be able to have a nap before Tyler comes home?  And then on Wednesday, his daycare closes at 3:30 and then we have the long weekend.  Tyler is so active and rarely naps at home.  How will I keep up?

Grant’s Crohn’s Disease is still flaring.  I feel badly to ask him to do more than he can even if I am exhausted.  I get so frustrated.  I want to be able to take Tyler out to the park if the warm weather continues, but my body just balks.  I want to have the energy I used to have when he was a baby and I spent endless hours playing with him.  Tired yes, but about the same amount of tired as any normal, sleep-deprived mom.  I miss the joy I used to have at the aspect of a long weekend to be with him.  Now I am just scared.

But I also realize I have to stop looking at next week as one big long day and take each day as it comes.  And I also have to remember that despite how I view my shortcomings as a mom, Tyler somehow still thinks I am the greatest mom in the world and that even though he has a lot more activity at daycare, all he really wants to do is be with me, no matter what we do or don’t do.

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About mamasick

Emily Cullen is a pen-name. I suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases which include Bipolar Disorder, Asthma, Diabetes and Fibromyalgia. I had battled Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis but there is no longer evidence of me having these diseases and my Rheumatologist has declared them to be "burnt out" of my system. I am separated from my husband, “Grant”. Our son, “Tyler” was born in September of 2006 and suffers from tics and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is delayed in fine and gross motor skills. In my blog I seek to let sick moms know that they are not the only ones going through this, and to educate people about what can happens when one becomes catastrophically ill. I also strive to break down stereotypes of what a “Welfare Mom” is like. Anything that I have gone through due to being sick, is written on the pages of Mama Sick.

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