It makes me feel so guilty to say this but whenever I know we will have a long weekend with Tyler being home, I get anxious about how I will handle him and how I will feel doing it. I love being with my son but my body just does not want to cooperate. Laying down during the middle of the day is a must for me and I do get some energy back doing it but there are just some days next week where that will just not be possible. Like Thanksgiving Day, for example!
On Tuesday morning I have a WIC appointment that Tyler has to come to. I will then bring him to daycare. But in the afternoon I have a follow-up appointment with my endocrinologist. I’m stressed out. I know it sounds crazy, but will I be able to have a nap before Tyler comes home? And then on Wednesday, his daycare closes at 3:30 and then we have the long weekend. Tyler is so active and rarely naps at home. How will I keep up?
Grant’s Crohn’s Disease is still flaring. I feel badly to ask him to do more than he can even if I am exhausted. I get so frustrated. I want to be able to take Tyler out to the park if the warm weather continues, but my body just balks. I want to have the energy I used to have when he was a baby and I spent endless hours playing with him. Tired yes, but about the same amount of tired as any normal, sleep-deprived mom. I miss the joy I used to have at the aspect of a long weekend to be with him. Now I am just scared.
But I also realize I have to stop looking at next week as one big long day and take each day as it comes. And I also have to remember that despite how I view my shortcomings as a mom, Tyler somehow still thinks I am the greatest mom in the world and that even though he has a lot more activity at daycare, all he really wants to do is be with me, no matter what we do or don’t do.