After a three year fight I have been approved for my Social Security Disability Insurance !!!
For so many who get approved there are a lot of mixed feelings involved. To be finally declared disabled, that you are truly sick enough physically, mentally or both, can be extremely depressing.
I have to say I didn’t really feel that. I felt that justice had finally been done, that the government finally believes what I have believed for four and a half years, that I am too sick to be able to support myself and my family.
I feel satisfied that those around me who did not believe I was truly sick enough to receive disability or had niggling doubts about how sick I am no longer have much of an argument, although I suppose some will still feel the judge must have made a mistake.
I feel an overwhelming sense of relief that soon I will no longer have to worry about clothing or feeding my son. That constant fear, that sickening feeling in my stomach when I am in the supermarket. The praying that no unexpected expenses come up.
But I also know that life, while better, will continue to be a lifelong struggle for us as the total disability income that Grant and I will make is a lot less that I alone made. We will always have to watch our money and I guess I will continue to pray that no unexpected expenses come up.
Even though I know that I am too sick to work I still have a feeling that I am not contributing to society or the economy, that in fact I am sucking off of it. Even though, I do not believe that of anyone else I know who collects disability, I still feel that way about me.
I wonder if, as my son gets older, he will understand the meaning of collecting disability and think his parents are losers, lazy, liars, or bums.
On Thursday I went to the doctor and I told the woman at the front desk that I was approved for disability.
“Sweet!”, she replied.
No, it is not sweet. Winning the lottery would be sweet. Not being sick would be sweet. Being able to advance in my career would be sweet. Providing for my son in the way I would like, in the way he deserves would be sweet.
I really don’t know much right now other than that I have been approved. Sometimes receiving the initial payment and then the monthly benefit can take a couple of months.
To all who have supported me during this fight I thank you. To all who are still fighting I say do not give up. Justice will prevail for you as it finally did for me.
My SSDI Timeline:
October, 2009: Applied for disability
January, 2010: Initial Application Denied
July, 2011: Disability Hearing
August, 2011: Social Security Doctors’ Examinations
September, 2011: Results of the Social Security Doctors’ Examinations
December, 2011: Disability Denied, Appeal is Filed
2012: Social Security Accepts Appeal, Finds More Fault With Judge’s Decision. Case is Remanded Back to the Lower Court, I am Given a Hearing “Do-Over”.
October, 2012: Second Disability Hearing