Isolation

I moved to Ohio almost two and a half years ago and have yet to find a girlfriend. I have Jacques to love and support me and even Grant but I miss getting together with my girlfriends. My three best friends are out of state. I consider the people I meet online friends, some of them I’ve talked to on the phone and even some who have lent me money, but I long for a friend whom I could go out and get coffee with. I’ve tried to make friends with some of Tyler’s friends’ mothers but that hasn’t seemed to work out, in fact they never ask us for a play date again and I blame myself that I’ve done or said something wrong

Of course a large part of this is due to being depressed and mentally ill. It’s hard to put myself out there. I have a perception of myself that people can tell I am mentally ill, that they can see it in my appearance or my clothes, and I am also ashamed and unconfident because of my weight.

If I were to find a friend, do I tell her about my mental illness? What do I tell her when she asks what do I do for work?

There is a part of me that says I don’t need any friends, that I should just concentrate on being the best mom I can be to Tyler and it doesn’t matter if I have girlfriends. That I should be more concerned about whether or not he has friends, that my good times are over.

It’s possible I can meet friends through my church but mentally I cannot get it together to go to church and I would suppose these women are regular church goers.

Do you find yourself isolated by your illness?

Do you have any ideas on how I could make friends?

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About mamasick

Emily Cullen is a pen-name. I suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases which include Bipolar Disorder, Asthma, Diabetes and Fibromyalgia. I had battled Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis but there is no longer evidence of me having these diseases and my Rheumatologist has declared them to be "burnt out" of my system. I am separated from my husband, “Grant”. Our son, “Tyler” was born in September of 2006 and suffers from tics and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is delayed in fine and gross motor skills. In my blog I seek to let sick moms know that they are not the only ones going through this, and to educate people about what can happens when one becomes catastrophically ill. I also strive to break down stereotypes of what a “Welfare Mom” is like. Anything that I have gone through due to being sick, is written on the pages of Mama Sick.
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2 Responses to Isolation

  1. Angie says:

    i can really relate. Even without moving the transition from working full-time to being unable to work at all, not having a car, and not having money to spare lost me nearly all of my “friends”. People I thought would always be there for me, whom I’d stood by through some very tough times simply didn’t have time for me anymore. Thankfully, a couple stuck with me. I still don’t see them more than once a month or once every other month. My online friends, especially the ones who understand chronic illness and depression, have been SO valuable. Don’t underestimate your online friends. One of my online friends lives less than five minutes away, but it’s hard to find times that one or the other of us is in too much pain to get out of bed or too depressed to get dressed. Even a phone call is too much to deal with sometimes, but texting nearly always works. We actually met in an outpatient therapy group. Is there a support group near you? Perhaps you could find someone there that could provide the understanding and friendship you need, long-distance or IRL.
    Angie´s last blog post ..Ch-ch-ch-changes!

  2. mamasick says:

    I’ve lost a lot of family and friends too, Angie. A support group is a good idea, thanks for suggesting it for me!

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