Tuesdays With Tyler: For Your 3rd Birthday

On Saturday, September 12th you will be three-years-old, I can’t believe it!  You were born on a Tuesday so it is fitting that I write this to you today.  You are our miracle child, the child I didn’t think I would ever be well enough to have.  You will be our only child because of my illnesses.  I hope you don’t miss having siblings later on.  For your father and I, if we had to have only one child, you are the most perfect, beautiful child we could have ever asked for.

You are beginning to be aware that I am sick and have started to worry a bit.  I try to assure you that I will be your mommy forever and that I am not going anywhere, even though you do not understand the concept of death yet.  I have no plans to go anywhere.

Despite my illnesses, you still think I am the most beautiful, best singer, most perfect mommy in the world.  I try my darling, I really do.  I hope to live up to the person that you believe I am right now.

You love Dora the Explorer, Go, Diego, Go!, Curious George, Little People and Harold and the Purple Crayon.  You sleep at night with you arms wrapped around your dress-up Monkey and your purple crayon, which you are constantly losing or misplacing!  You love to sing and make up your own songs.  You are very creative and have a great imagination.  You love to love and love to laugh.

Our biggest challenges right now with you are potty training and putting you to sleep at night, and keeping you in bed.  I am in your room right now as I write this, I think you are finally sleeping, after an hour of me trying tonight.  You love it when I sing you to sleep.

You don’t know it right now, but I worry about you every day because of the financial difficulties my illnesses have put our family in.  There are so many things I want for you. Right now, a bigger room and a backyard, vacations, and later, college.  You have everything you could want or need right now, especially all of your daddy and I s’ love .  Please know that no matter what, you will always have that. Please know that we are your best friends and always will be.

I love how you still want me to rock you to sleep and you are so affectionate with me.  You are comfortable telling me everything.  We are so close.  In a few years you will make that break that boys do with their mothers, but I hope that you will not be so grown up to tell me that you love me, or that you can’t give me a kiss every once in a while!  I hope that you will trust me enough to keep telling me things.

You are three-years-old, but will always still be my baby, my sweet pea.  Happy birthday, my most treasured little boy.

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About mamasick

Emily Cullen is a pen-name. I suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases which include Bipolar Disorder, Asthma, Diabetes and Fibromyalgia. I had battled Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis but there is no longer evidence of me having these diseases and my Rheumatologist has declared them to be "burnt out" of my system. I am separated from my husband, “Grant”. Our son, “Tyler” was born in September of 2006 and suffers from tics and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is delayed in fine and gross motor skills. In my blog I seek to let sick moms know that they are not the only ones going through this, and to educate people about what can happens when one becomes catastrophically ill. I also strive to break down stereotypes of what a “Welfare Mom” is like. Anything that I have gone through due to being sick, is written on the pages of Mama Sick.

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