Linking up for the Chronic Friday Linkup at Being Fibro Mom.

For the last few months I’ve been experiencing overwhelming anxiety, just in time for my son’s summer vacation. I know I have to take him places and do things with him but I fear going outside.

I feel like I am anxious about everything. An hour or so before I have to go into the shower I start feeling sick (nauseous) and shaky. I take a couple of sedatives but they seem like they take hours to kick in. I can’t eat but I force myself to eat a little.

Between depression and anxiety, showering is an event. Just working up the courage to take off my clothes is an experience. I try to get out of there as quickly as possible and I hate having to shave because it extends my showering time. I don’t feel good after showering, you know, that clean, feel good feeling? I don’t get that any more, I am still shaking after the shower and when I am done I lay on the couch as soon as possible, exhausted.

The next step is putting on my clothes, I am anxious about that but I’m not sure why. I have
this anxiety about what to wear, I guess, or maybe it is one step closer to going out.

I am fearful of getting Tyler ready too. Putting on his clothes, pushing him to brush his teeth. I also get really anxious when I have to bathe him.

I’ve been having Jacques drive Tyler and me places because I am too nervous to drive. It still takes me a while to calm down once I get to my destination, perhaps my sedatives kick in?

I also have anxiety about doing certain things. I let my mail pile up because I just can’t deal with it. When I finally do open it, I’m so spent that I can’t do anything else for the day.

Dealing with and paying bills is even worse. It upsets me to know that I have trouble with doing “adult” things.

The worst thing is, it doesn’t seem to get any better, it’s the same uphill battle every day. Even now, I have over five hours before I have to leave for Tyler’s doctors’ appointments and I am anxious about it. It just gets worse the closer it gets to me having to start to get ready.

Some of the medicine I take for depression is supposed to help anxiety but I am on so much medication that I hesitate to go on something else.

I could do better at non-medication techniques such as breathing or meditating and I do do them but they really don’t seem to work. I’m too anxious to “breathe” and I feel like I can’t.

Are you anxious? What makes it better for you?


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About mamasick

Emily Cullen is a pen-name. I suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases which include Bipolar Disorder, Asthma, Diabetes and Fibromyalgia. I had battled Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis but there is no longer evidence of me having these diseases and my Rheumatologist has declared them to be "burnt out" of my system. I am separated from my husband, “Grant”. Our son, “Tyler” was born in September of 2006 and suffers from tics and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is delayed in fine and gross motor skills. In my blog I seek to let sick moms know that they are not the only ones going through this, and to educate people about what can happens when one becomes catastrophically ill. I also strive to break down stereotypes of what a “Welfare Mom” is like. Anything that I have gone through due to being sick, is written on the pages of Mama Sick.
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13 Responses to Anxiety!!!

  1. Pingback: Chronic Friday Linkup 22 - Being Fibro Mom

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