Big Day Out?

This weekend I am scheduled to go to a party in a state park thrown by my county’s lost pets’ Facebook page members. They were very helpful to me when Max was missing.

The people in the group are really cool and we all have our love for pets in common. It’s a bring something party that’s supposed to go from noon to four. Jacques is making pasta salad for me to take.

The idea of meeting these people in real life is exciting to me. I’ve lived in Ohio for almost four years and do not have any friends. I haven’t made friends with the mothers of Tyler’s play dates or through his school or extracurricular activities. Having depression and anxiety doesn’t make it any easier. With my weight gain from my meds and my depression I don’t feel good about myself.

And then the anxiety of getting my act together kicks in too. I have to drive a bit of a distance to the park and I have to go alone.

And how will I feel the day of the party? Too physically sick or too afraid to go? Too depressed to get into the shower and get dressed? Will I even make it?

Still, the idea of meeting a whole bunch of people that know next to nothing about me is appealing, and I never have to see them again if I don’t want to. Plus I’ve got an “out” because I’m leaving Tyler with Jacques and I don’t want him to spend hours playing video games. I know if I can actually get there and start talking to people I will be okay. It’s just that it’s been so long since I’ve socialized with anyone, I wonder if I can do it “right”.

How do you deal with social anxiety? Do you go for it or just hide under the covers?


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About mamasick

Emily Cullen is a pen-name. I suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases which include Bipolar Disorder, Asthma, Diabetes and Fibromyalgia. I had battled Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis but there is no longer evidence of me having these diseases and my Rheumatologist has declared them to be "burnt out" of my system. I am separated from my husband, “Grant”. Our son, “Tyler” was born in September of 2006 and suffers from tics and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is delayed in fine and gross motor skills. In my blog I seek to let sick moms know that they are not the only ones going through this, and to educate people about what can happens when one becomes catastrophically ill. I also strive to break down stereotypes of what a “Welfare Mom” is like. Anything that I have gone through due to being sick, is written on the pages of Mama Sick.
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