Results of Disability Hearing: The Do-Over

(Disclaimer:  The following account is my personal experience with a disability hearing and should in no way compare with anyone else’s experience.  I do my best to research what I write, and seek to provide correct information to my readers; however I do advise one to do one’s own research when it comes to a personal disability case.  Thank you.)

You may want to take a look at my first disability hearing last year.

My lawyer appealed the judge’s decision, citing six reasons for appeal.  The judge’s decision was then reviewed by a Social Security Disability employee who found five more reasons for appeal.  Because of this, my case was remanded back to the same court, with the same judge.  It was a complete “do-over”.  The judge is obligated to look at you like a new claimant, with no prejudice.

As I waited for it to be my turn I saw a young woman in her early-20s at her first trial, sitting with her mother.  The court officer asked if she wanted an attorney and she replied no.  The officer said she had advised her of her right to an attorney, was she waiving that?  The woman said yes.  The officer walked away and I leaned over to her and said, “Are you sure you don’t want an attorney?”

I thought about how judges and vocational expert witnesses can be sharks, how you can hardly understand what they are saying, how I could have never gotten through this without my lawyer.

And then the woman called the officer over and asked about how having an attorney works.  She did not know that it didn’t cost anything to have one.  After speaking to the officer she postponed her trial until she could get representation.  I felt so relieved for her and good about me butting my nose into her business!

My lawyer came and I met with him.  All of the records from after last year’s hearing up to today’s were in.  He showed me a test that came from where I have been receiving therapy and psychiatric medication.  I don’t know what the test was exactly but he happily said, “Normally they don’t even consider people able to work at 50% and your scores are nowhere even close to that!”

Great for my case, yes, but was that true?  Was my mental function really that low or were they just trying to help me out?  It hurts to be scored that low, it feels very discouraging.

The judge was like a different person.  She thanked me for traveling to Newark and was gentle and patient.

I think a big reason why I lost the first time was that the judge did not understand the nature of my part-time voice-over work.  My hourly salary is high but I only get called one to two times a month to work, hardly what one would call substantial gainful employment.  And this year I had lost my only client of about 14 years, because I was too sick and disengaged to even contact them to tell them what was going on.  I told the judge it would be very difficult to try to cultivate new clients with my health being in the state it was in.

I had a lot of trouble understanding the questions the judge asked, due to my increasing memory loss and concentration difficulties.  If I answered it in a way that was harmful towards my case she would say things like, “Wait, are you sure this is what you mean?”

I don’t know if my lawyer was faking it, but he did appear to be exasperated because I was so thick.  After my first hearing he told me that no one could ever testify any better than I did, now I am a different person.

Finally he yelled to me, ” What has happened to you since the last hearing?!

I had notes to help me.  “Well…I have had some trips to the E.R. for uncontrollable pain.  I had to go in-patient due to the depression from bipolar disorder.  My son and I moved in with my mother due to my illnesses and for financial reasons.  While there I experienced delusions, hallucinations and suicidal ideation for many months.  I had extreme disengagement from my friends and family, including my son and my pet.  I lost my voice-over job because I wouldn’t or couldn’t get in touch with them.  In July I went to the E.R. wanting to go in-patient but my family convinced me not to do it…that’s it.”

When we started to talk about why Grant was in Ohio and Tyler and I were in Massachusetts, I completely lost it.  I couldn’t stop crying and I had to go out of the courtroom to calm myself.  Grant got me tissues and made me take deep breaths.

The last thing that was left in the hearing was the vocational expert where she tries to find jobs that she thinks someone with my physical and mental abilities can do.  I think my lawyer did a pretty good job of shooting her down.  (This is the part where you really need a lawyer.)

As we closed the hearing the judge again thanked me for coming and she said, “You will have my decision within 30 days.”

It took her five months to give me a “No” the first time.  If she rejects me this time she is going to have to address all 11 objections with her first decision raised by my lawyer and the Social Security Administration.

So, I would say I am cautiously optimistic but also aware that anything could happen.  I only hope that justice will finally be served.

Photo Courtesy of:  3D Model World

 

 

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My Disability Reconsideration Hearing is on Friday

Nearly three years to the day I applied for Social Security Disability, and 15 months after my initial hearing, my Reconsideration hearing is here.  When a person is denied at their initial hearing, one is allowed to appeal the decision.  My lawyer wrote an appeal outlining the faults he found with the judge’s decision.  It then went to an independent employee of Social Security who found even more issues with her decision.

All total there were eleven issues raised and I was granted a Reconsideration hearing.  It is not considered a new hearing, but a “redo” of my initial hearing.  The judge must act like this is a completely new trial, like she has never seen me before and it is up to her to explain and prove her decision with all of the eleven points.

Sounds good, right?  However, in my research for this post I read that statistically only 20% of Reconsideration hearings result in a favorable decision.

I really wish I hadn’t seen that.

Although since my hearing last summer, a lot of new evidence has been entered in, such as three trips to the ER for physical and mental problems, my in-patient stay, the loss of my part-time job…basically the loss of everything.

I am driving to Newark, NJ and Grant is going to meet me there.  We will travel Thursday, stay overnight in a hotel and then drive back after my hearing.

I probably will not be able to post about what happened until Saturday or Sunday at the earliest.  I dread the four hour and back drive, it is so taxing on my body and I anticipate being in a lot of pain, which is probably good for the hearing, I guess.  I also worry that my memory and concentration is so poor that I will be unable to represent myself properly, although that could work in my favor.

Your prayers, good thoughts, vibes, etc., are appreciated.

Photo courtesy of The Daily Record

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Tuesdays With Tyler: Not Special Enough

Tyler has some special needs but often they are not readily apparent.  Because of this, I find that people like to declare that he is fine and I am making too big a deal about minor things.  This, is for them:

When you see my six-year-old son have a temper-tantrum that is more suitable to a three-year-old, it is not due to my lack of parenting skills, it is a part of his diagnoses.

When you see me give into my son, it is not because he is spoiled.  It is because I have been correcting him all day and he needs to win some battles, he needs to feel some control over his life.  I don’t want him to think of himself as a “bad boy”.

My son’s poor writing skills are not because I have not worked with him.  He is delayed in his fine motor skills.  I have worked with him but I am not an Occupational Therapist.

Yes, my son does not appear to have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  That’s because when you see him he is having fun, there is no stress in his life. And the symptoms you do see, like him needing to stand in one place while we walk or him having to take a step forward and a step back are not due to him being just a silly kid.

You are not there when I need to pull him away from the sink to stop him from washing his hands.  You are not there when he screams in terror if he is left alone in a room.  You are not there when he hits me and then guiltily apologizes, telling me that even when he hits me he always love me.

All of his doctors as well as the professionals in his school do not doubt me because it is obvious when he is examined, obvious when he cannot stand in a line with the rest of the class, or freaks out when he gets dirty, and obvious when he submits a writing sample.  It is so obvious that he receives Occupational and Speech Therapy in school.

The only people it is not obvious to are you, so when you get your degree in Pediatric Neurology or in teaching, feel free to offer your opinion.

Thank you.

 

 

 

 

 

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Tuesdays With Tyler: The Selflessness of Children

A couple of things I have learned from our current situation is how observant and caring children can be.

Tyler gets “doctor prizes” or “dentist prizes”  because of how hard it is for him to make it through the appointments.  We find that having the gift in front of him, his “eye on the prize”, makes appointments go much smoother.

We usually visit Target for the toys and whenever we come upon anything Hello Kitty, Tyler wants me to buy the toy for myself since he knows I love her.  I usually say things like, “Mommy has all she needs” or “Maybe another time” and we get his prize and go.

One day when we were shopping for him he said, “Mommy, how come you never buy yourself anything any more?” I was stunned but said, “Because I don’t really need anything, honey.”  “When I come home I’m going to make you a Hello Kitty out of Lego!”  He was so excited but I knew that he would have trouble making her, between so little Legos and none of Hello Kitty’s colors.

After about twenty minutes of trying he came over to me.  “Mommy, I wasn’t able to make a Hello Kitty out of my Legos but I want you to have this.”  He put his little Batman villain Joker in my hands and said, “Is it alright if we can pretend that he is Hello Kitty?”  I felt like crying over how sweet and caring he was.  I accepted his gift happily.

“Let’s play Hello Kitty!”, he said, as he picked out other small figures to be Hello Kitty’s Mommy, Daddy and friend.

The next time I was in the store with him he said, “Mommy, will you please buy yourself a Hello Kitty toy?”

And this time, I did.

Photo Credit:  Sanrio.com  

 

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When Do I Tell My Child We’re Poor?

As many know, chronic illness often brings about chronic poverty.  My husband and I have been dealing with this since 2008, when I got laid off from work and found myself too sick to look for another position.

We qualified for WIC right away, when Tyler was two-and-a-half years old.  As he became older he would ask, “Mommy, why are we here?” “For coupons, baby.”

Yes, my darling, you get weighed and blood taken from you for coupons.

Now that we are in Massachusetts, we see a Social Worker every couple of weeks.  “Mommy, who is that lady?”  “She helps us, honey”, I tell him, as Tyler is given a free Angry Birds backpack.

Occasionally I need to take Tyler with me to the Food Bank. “Mommy, what is this place?”  “It’s like a supermarket, honey, we get food here.”  “Why are we waiting in line to get food here?”  “That’s just the way it is”, I say, as we sit with some who suffer from disabilities ranging from near Catatonia to angry people who often randomly yell out things.  I feel badly that Tyler must sit in this environment, knowing that he could get scared.  Usually I bring books for him and read to him, or he looks at them on his own when I am meeting with someone.

There are other children at the Food Bank, most older than Tyler and I look around and wonder, “Do they know why they are here?  They must know by now.  How do they feel about it?  Are they saddened by it or do they accept it as a way of life?”

My mother grew up poor and she was repeatedly told by my grandmother, “You can’t have this because we are poor.”  She said she was traumatized by it and it still hurts to this day.

Tyler has known about the concept of being poor for a while now from the Spider-Man franchise.  Peter Parker and his Aunt May have trouble paying the bills.  In one of the movies, Peter lives in a slum-like apartment because he can’t afford anything better, and Aunt May loses her house.  The other day Tyler said,”Do you know why Peter always wears the same clothes?”  “I don’t know, why do you think he does?”  “Because he is poor.”  Then I explain to him that most people in cartoons wear only one outfit.

He has picked up the word “expensive” from me.  “Is this too expensive to buy, Mommy?”  Today we were at a garage sale and he said, “Mommy I found something beautiful for you, but I think it might be too expensive.”  Turned out to be cheesy party decorations but his heart was in the right place.

Usually I just say things like, “Mommy didn’t know we were going to be here so she didn’t bring enough money” or “We’ll buy this later, more towards Halloween”, and hope he’ll just forget about it, and lately, “I don’t know if Santa can get this for you because he has a budget.”

Maybe you think some of these things build good character.  Yes, Tyler doesn’t have to get everything he wants every time we are out or everything he wants for Christmas.

It’s just that…it hurts not being able to delight my child when I buy him a toy for no reason or just because he’s been a good boy, or just because I want too. It’s just that…I used to live a different lifestyle and knowing that the reason I don’t now is because of my chronic illnesses and is out of my control, is very hard to bear.

If you are in my situation, what did you tell your child or children about being poor and when did you tell them?  Or do they just figure it out on their own?

One of the things I learned from what has happened to me this year is that it doesn’t really matter to Tyler what he has, just as long as we can all be a family again.

One day he said to me, “Mommy, did you know that I love you and Daddy more than I love all of my toys?”

Thanks for reminding me honey, because I had indeed lost sight of that.

 

 

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Six Word Memoir

Inspired by Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop.

1.  I spent this past weekend  in Dallas at Bloggy Boot Camp with SITS.  As part of the Writer’s Workshop Francesca and I conducted we resurrected the Six Word Memoir.  Add an image to your own Six Word Memoir based on…well anything.

Motherhood:  No nervous breakdowns ever allowed.

Photo Courtesy:  Mums in Heels

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Tuesdays With Tyler: Birthday Party With Pictures!

When we first moved to Massachusetts in March, Tyler was five and a half and I couldn’t begin to wrap my mind on a birthday party for him in September, with none of his friends and his daddy not being able to come.

Tyler also had his heart set on one of those bouncy places and there are none around where we live so I knew we would have to travel some distance. Tyler has only made a few friends too.

Tyler has had such an upheaval this year, I really wanted him to have something special and normal.

Three boys came, two whom we have met here and one good friend who’s mother drove him from New Jersey.  We sort of had the party on the sly since we only had a few kids.  No party room with outrageous fee needed!

Okay, this is a lousy shot, but all of my “action” shots pretty much came out blurry. I had to show you that the kid did have some fun, so bear with me here.

 

The happy party-goers.

 

No real explanation needed here, right?

This party was such a victory for me because up until about a month ago, I would not have been able to even attend a birthday party, much less host one for my son.

By the way, you can look at Tyler’s fifth birthday party here.

 

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Gallery

My Hope is You

This gallery contains 1 photos.

September 10-16 is National Chronic Illness Awareness Week.  In my posts I hope to comfort those who are first experiencing chronic illness and those who continue to live a life in chronic pain and with chronic illness; as well as … Continue reading

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For My Son On His 6th Birthday

Dear Tyler,

I am already tearing up as I write this because of how drastically our lives have changed.  You have been through so much this year.  My hospitalization for two weeks when you told daddy you forgot what I looked like, our move from New Jersey to Massachusetts, and now being apart from daddy for a very long time, with no set date for when we will be together again.

I am so sorry that this has happened, but it had to be, at the time we just didn’t see any other way.  You tell me that it is okay, you still call me the best Mommy in the world, but what you will think of me five years or ten years from now?

After six months you are still so unhappy here.  Any good thing I have tried to give you; a vacation to Cape Cod, camp, the pool and the lake, and soccer, still can’t make up for the fact that you miss your daddy and your old home.  I know that, Tyler, I feel it too, but I am trying to make life as good as I can for you with what life has dealt us.

Still, you are excited about your birthday.  The celebration at school, your party at night and your party on the weekend.  Making friends is hard when you’re new, but you have three boys coming and you will have a lot of fun!  As we get into the school year, I know you will make more friends, and hopefully the routine will make it easier for you to adjust.

Your favorite shows are Adventure Time, The Regular Show, Scooby-Doo and Ninjago.  You love the Captain Underpants series and the Frances the Badger books. You are collecting the Lego Monster Fighter series and the Trash Pack.  You love monsters and gross things in general. You have an Angry Birds backpack and a Spider-Man lunch box.  You have really branched out this year from all things Spider-Man although he is still your favorite superhero.  This year you discovered that my phone and computer have some really cool games on them.

You still love your Eeyore and you carry him in your backpack to school.  You don’t take him out, it’s just nice to know he’s there.

You have gotten so tall this year.  My little boy is turning into a young man.

You are so loving, compassionate and understanding.  Our situation has made us closer, and we are partners in crime in our new adventures; getting used to walking after living in suburbia, getting lost almost every time we drive somewhere, and checking out the new parks.

But most of all, you are the bravest boy I know.

On your sixth birthday, know how much daddy and I love you, and know that we are doing everything we can to bring us all back together as soon as we are able.

 

 

 

 

 

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My Son, My Hope

September 10-16 is National Chronic Illness Awareness Week.  In my posts I hope to comfort those who are first experiencing chronic illness and those who continue to live a life in chronic pain and with chronic illness; as well as educate those who do not know what it is like to live with an Invisible Illness.

The theme for this year’s Invisible Illness Awareness Week is “Invisible Illness?  Share Your Visible Hope!”

I think for so many of us who are parents, our children are the #1 hope in our lives. My mantra since I have become a parent is “Do it For Tyler!”  Can’t walk around the zoo?  Get your husband to push you in a wheelchair and go!  Wondering how you will get through Christmas?  Push on and suffer the consequences later, even if it takes you three days to recover!

This year, however, I learned that it is not always so easy to just “Do it For Tyler!”  As a result of Bipolar Disorder, I became so depressed that I found myself unable to care for Tyler in the way that my physical illnesses had allowed me to.  It turned out that my depression was stronger than my will.

I always thought that I could overcome anything for Tyler’s sake, and for over five years of his life, I did.

I write about this because the fact is that sometimes we cannot be stronger than our illnesses, even if it for our children.

I write about this to let people who are well know that we are always trying to, and it breaks our heart when we can’t.

I have finally broken out of the depression that imprisoned me for so many months and once again I am endeavoring to be the best mommy I can be.

When I started to feel better I mentioned it to Tyler, I asked him if he could tell I was better.  He replied, “What?  I didn’t even know you were sick!”

All of my guilt, all of my shame, all of the depression resulting from no longer being able to be Super Mommy.

All of the things I could not do for my child during my depression…went unnoticed by my son.

Now that I am stronger, I will go back to doing it for Tyler.  But I also know that no matter how I am feeling or no matter how little I can do, my son will always love me.

And yours will too.

 

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