Mama Sick

New Jersey Moms Blog today.  I’m raising Tyler my religion without anyone else of my faith around us.  I hope you will check it out!

My computer was in the shop for a week which is why I have not been on here for a while. Lots of stuff has been going on.  I think I’m going to take each crisis/happening per one entry.

Last Monday I had my monthly appointment with my Rheumatologist for my Orencia infusion.  Between months I had done a bone density test.  Insurance companies allow you to get them every two years.  The test in 2008 had revealed I had Osteopenia which is the pre-cursor to Osteoporosis.  It was a blow to me back then, being only 38 and not really fitting the profile of someone who should have this.  Due to me still having regular periods I could only really take Vitamin D and calcium.

Two years later I now have Osteoporosis!  I was really shocked that I had declined that badly considering my age and that I was taking the supplements.  My doctor is running tests to see why this is happening.  In the meantime he told me to make sure my floor is free of objects I might trip on and not “hurry anywhere”.  Hello, I have a three-and-a-half year old?  It’s impossible to keep a sparkling clean floor!

In the meantime I am so stressed out because I have so many deadlines for paperwork for disability and food stamps.  I feel like I could be up for 24 hours straight and never get all this work done.  Which is impossible anyway since I sleep and rest over twelve hours a day.

I wanted to let you know that I must bring my computer in for maintenance.  Who knows when I will get it back?  So, if you don’t hear from me, you know why.  Oh, my beloved laptop, to be apart from you will be so hard to bear!

As many of you know, I do voiceover work.  This dates back to my former days as a radio personality and I just have one client.  It just so happens that I am having my best year EVER so far.  Normally in 12 years I have never made more than $5,000.00 a year, and that’s a lot. Well, because I am having this great year, the lawyer who was going to appeal my disability denial says I am on track to make too much money and will not take my case!

Freelance, as many bloggers know, doesn’t work like that!  I have gone six months and more without a call from this client.  It is impossible for me to estimate what I might make and when they might call me for another job.  The law firm says they will only take my case if I give up working entirely, but if I do that I will definitely burn a bridge and this is the only way for me to make a little bit of money.

I can’t believe it.  The one year that I have made the most money had to be this year.  I don’t know if I will be able to find a lawyer who will take my case and who understands the nature of freelance work. I cried a bit, then went through shock and paralysis; seriously.  Then I took a couple of  Xanax, a couple of Reese’s Peanut Butter cups and a portable DVD player and went to bed.

I am going to try to find another lawyer.  I feel like my life is like: crisis, react to crisis and move on; rinse and repeat.

This past week Grant went to the ER with a flare-up of his Crohn’s Disease.  He was released but being sick before and after has put a lot of extra stress physically and mentally on me. (Don’t feel guilty, Grant.)

I am more exhausted than ever but today Grant and I were determined to take Tyler to the park, even though I was wondering how the Hell I was going to make it through the day.  Then Grant told me he is just not feeling well enough go.  I told Tyler that it was just going to be him and I at the park today and he started yelling, “I don’t want to go to the park, I don’t want to go out!”  When I asked him why he said, “Because if Daddy can’t come I don’t want to go without him.  I just want to stay here with Mommy and Daddy, and be all together.”

Too much wisdom to come out of a three-and-a-half-year-old.  I feel so guilty that taking Tyler anywhere is a struggle for Grant and I but I was so touched that Tyler didn’t care about going out today, that he just wants to be with us.

He is such a special little boy.  I am still crying my happy and sad tears.

…some Easter pictures!

I tried to get a picture of Tyler’s face while decorating Easter eggs but his concentration was so intense he kept telling me, “No, I cannot”:

Easter is so much easier for a sick Mommy to handle!  Playing Easter Bunny is a lot less stressful than Santa:

And another satisfied customer:

Hope everyone who celebrated had a wonderful holiday!

New Jersey Moms Blog today.  I’m poor, I’m sick, I have a wonderful son…and yet, I still want another baby.  I hope you’ll take a read.

In today’s mail has come the check for my voiceover work that I have been waiting for !  I can pay bills, I can eat, etc.!  No April Foolin’!

So today we were supposed to have access to our funds so we could be “liquid”.  There have been so many screw-ups with this, it’s just unreal.  I look in my bank account and the money is not there.  The representative asks me to verify my account number and they have it WRONG, so the money is SOMEWHERE, but all I know is it’s not HERE.

They are working on rectifying this and tell me the money should still be in my account today. This has been a total nightmare but par for the course, that if something can go wrong in our lives, it will.  I am so uncomfortable (okay, freaking out and crying) that I cannot pay my bills and must live off my credit card for another day.  Plus, I have been holding off on so many things that are needed, not wanting to use the card in excess.

Today is Grant’s birthday.  Luckily, he is a cheap date and we are all going out to Sonic tonight.

For the past three weeks or so, Grant and I have been operating on very little income flow.  I will spare you the details from this account to that account to another, but a transfer of money from my 401K (our last savings) has taken FOREVER for us to have access to.  In addition, money that Grant and I are owed for our freelance work that would keep us afloat for a few months is just not coming!!  It makes me laugh that companies have deadlines that you must meet for projects but they can pay you whenever the heck they feel like it.

I haven’t lived this way since I was single, but at least I knew when another paycheck would be coming and it takes on a whole new meaning when you have a child whom you must feed and for whom you must buy new clothes for.  We are living on our credit card.  It feels so scary putting groceries on a credit card, putting everything on a credit card, and waiting for money to come so we can pay bills that are due tomorrow.

The stress has caused a few setbacks in my fight against depression and anxiety.

We have been told by our bank that we should have access to our funds tomorrow, but I won’t believe it until I see it.  It’s a good thing you can pay most bills online or by phone these days.

It will really be a kick in the stomach if we do not qualify for food stamps.