Linking up for the Chronic Friday Linkup at Being Fibro Mom.
For the last few months I’ve been experiencing overwhelming anxiety, just in time for my son’s summer vacation. I know I have to take him places and do things with him but I fear going outside.
I feel like I am anxious about everything. An hour or so before I have to go into the shower I start feeling sick (nauseous) and shaky. I take a couple of sedatives but they seem like they take hours to kick in. I can’t eat but I force myself to eat a little.
Between depression and anxiety, showering is an event. Just working up the courage to take off my clothes is an experience. I try to get out of there as quickly as possible and I hate having to shave because it extends my showering time. I don’t feel good after showering, you know, that clean, feel good feeling? I don’t get that any more, I am still shaking after the shower and when I am done I lay on the couch as soon as possible, exhausted.
The next step is putting on my clothes, I am anxious about that but I’m not sure why. I have
this anxiety about what to wear, I guess, or maybe it is one step closer to going out.
I am fearful of getting Tyler ready too. Putting on his clothes, pushing him to brush his teeth. I also get really anxious when I have to bathe him.
I’ve been having Jacques drive Tyler and me places because I am too nervous to drive. It still takes me a while to calm down once I get to my destination, perhaps my sedatives kick in?
I also have anxiety about doing certain things. I let my mail pile up because I just can’t deal with it. When I finally do open it, I’m so spent that I can’t do anything else for the day.
Dealing with and paying bills is even worse. It upsets me to know that I have trouble with doing “adult” things.
The worst thing is, it doesn’t seem to get any better, it’s the same uphill battle every day. Even now, I have over five hours before I have to leave for Tyler’s doctors’ appointments and I am anxious about it. It just gets worse the closer it gets to me having to start to get ready.
Some of the medicine I take for depression is supposed to help anxiety but I am on so much medication that I hesitate to go on something else.
I could do better at non-medication techniques such as breathing or meditating and I do do them but they really don’t seem to work. I’m too anxious to “breathe” and I feel like I can’t.
Are you anxious? What makes it better for you?