My Last Concert

Inspired by Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop.

Prompt #2: Tell us about the last concert that you attended.

I hadn’t attended a concert in years but when I heard Lady Gaga was in Cleveland in 2014 I knew I had to be there!

I never thought much of Gaga until she was on the Howard Stern show. I thought she was just a Madonna knock-off until I heard her sing. I was an instant fan!

I went all out on the make-up and with what I wore. I had the whole smokey eye thing going on! We (Jacques and I) had the nosebleed seats but the arena is small enough that there are really no bad seats. I did wish I was closer but I just didn’t have the money.

It didn’t matter. Gaga was awesome; her singing, dancing, the set and her costume changes!

I felt hungry after the concert so we ate at Steak n’ Shake. The next day I felt like I had a massive hangover! Guess I can’t party like I used to!

She’s coming to Cleveland again in August and I wistfully took a look at her concert dates but she is only there for one night and it’s a night I have Tyler. Oh well, I really couldn’t fit it into the budget anyway!

But at least I have an awesome memory!

 

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What if I Stayed in Here Forever?

My son and boyfriend are at the pool and I have yet to get there this season. Instead, I am in my bathrobe, showered (you gotta give me credit for that) and have woken up from my second nap. My back was hurting so I cancelled my therapy appointment.

Which was a really bad idea because I really need to be there because I can’t get out of the house. I need therapy to get me out of the house but I can’t get there.

My therapist is terming me a “borderline agoraphobic”. Last week we made out a calendar of all the things that I would do this week, with maybe getting to stay home one day but no more than that in a row.

I’ve been at home for four days, mostly unshowered with the AC on and the blinds closed. Sunshine is good for people like me if I could only get outside.

Sometimes I enjoy staying inside. Like many agoraphobics it would be pretty easy for me to stay inside forever especially with having a partner to take my son places and the internet at my fingertips. I mostly read which is my favorite hobby. I usually go through a book in two to three days.

But most times I feel alone, depressed and a failure. Despite my best intentions, despite the plans I make, I start to get shaky, nauseated and feel frozen. Getting a shower gives me anxiety and so does picking out clothes. I don’t take any joy in doing my makeup or my hair.

I’ve gone longer than four days without going out. I think my record is nearly two weeks. I am missing out on seeing my son having fun in the pool and missing out on my favorite season.

Tomorrow my son has a haircut, tae kwon do practice and I’d like to get my white trash toe nails polished.

Those are my plans, I guess we will see what tomorrow brings. If you’ve never felt this way, please don’t tell me to get my ass in the shower and just do it for my son. It doesn’t work that way.

And if you’ve ever experienced this before you know exactly how I am feeling.

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Book Review!

With special thanks to Mama Kat’s Writing Workshop

Eleanor Oliphant may be a little odd and “a little bit mental” but she thinks she has it altogether. Little by little the book gives you clues about Eleanor and you learn that she is anything but fine! I was so freaked out at the end! In case you can’t tell, I loved this book! It is definitely the best book I have read this year. I read the book (300 + pages) in a day. I stayed up late because I had https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/42602933-emily-cullento find out what happens to Eleanor. Read this book!

This review is from my goodreads site. I’d love it if you would follow me!

 

 

 

 

 

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Family Reunion, Spoonie Style!

A couple of weeks ago I had thrown my back out. Jacques had to push me in a wheelchair for my doctor’s appointment. My x-ray was normal so I am going to start PT next week.

We had planned a trip to see our cousins but I didn’t know if I could stand the pain and make the drive with just Tyler.

It was decided that Jacques would drive Tyler and I up and he would stay in a hotel so as not to interrupt “family time.” When my cousin heard that that was the game plan she invited Jacques to stay as well!

The trip up was so painful but it was great to see two of my cousins who are sisters. It had been nine years since we had seen them, Tyler was a toddler back then!

                                                              Lisa, Tyler, Diane and I 

Lisa has a beautiful home that is completely surrounded by woods. Which would have been peaceful except that she has four dogs and four cats! Tyler loved all the animals. He had to keep an eye out for his stuffed Eeyore because the dogs thought it was a toy for them!

Because of my back pain I decided not to go to a dog park. But I needed a rest and I needed a heating pad! Using the stairs was near impossible and I was so thankful that I had Jacques to unpack and pack our things!

At night we went out for  a wonderful Italian meal.

It was too short a trip but my cousins were leaving to visit their parents so we started on the trip back.

I had a great time but the memory of my trip will be forever colored by the horrendous back pain I was having.

Have you ever went on an outing or trip and your disability or pain took away from your memory?

 

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TBT: Farmer’s Market

Special thanks to Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop.

1. Throwback Thursday: Choose a photo from a previous May and write a poem or a blog post.

From May to October is our town’s Saturday morning farm market. This photo was taken May, 2013.

As you can see, there’s fresh fruits and vegetables, Mennonites, baked goods, plants and arts and crafts, just to name a few. Oh coffee, can’t forget about coffee!

I haven’t been there for a long time because I’ve been depressed. I also get anxious at the thought of going outside.

That’s what anxiety and depression do, they can rob you of your life.

But this year, I may just make it. My therapist and I worked out schedule of sorts of two weeks. Most days I must go out and do something, but sometimes I get a day off and get to stay inside.

I also have this thing that I have to shower before I go out, but sometimes I lack the motivation. My therapist says I don’t have to shower every single day, it’s okay to sometimes not shower.

This would be a nice, romantic thing to do with Jacques on a Saturday morning.

I’m setting this as one of my goals to overcoming depression and anxiety and I will let you know if I make it!

 

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Book Reviews!

Inspired by Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop.

These reviews are from my Goodreads page. I’d love for you to follow me!

 

 

I heard Dan Rather on an old Howard Stern show and thought it would be interesting to read his biography. I wasn’t disappointed. Covering the assassination of JFK, Vietnam, Watergate and the Gulf War, just to name a few, Mr. Rather comes across as an authentic newsman and person. From his early days on CBS news to the time when he was asked to leave to what he is doing now, this is a great book. If you love autobiographies, and even if you don’t, I highly recommend it!

 

 

Agatha’s ex-husband is getting married again and Agatha begrudgingly attends, but the wedding is not to be as the bride is shot to death. Knowing Agatha’s reputation, the bride’s parents ask her to investigate. I took a break from reading the Agatha Raisin mystery series and was delighted to plunge back in again! This is the perfect English village mystery and Agatha is a perfectly unlikeable character. She’s not all bad actually, and I enjoy this middle-age woman ever in search of love. I’m looking forward to the next book! You may want to start with the first book in the series, Quiche of Death.

 

I hope you’ll enjoy these selections. I’d love for you to follow or friend me!

 

 

 

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TBT: Disney Vacation

Inspired by Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop.

Prompt #1  Throwback Thursday: Choose a photo from a previous April and write a poem or a blog post.

It was three years ago this month when my husband, whom I am separated from, my son and I went to Disney World. Although we are separated Grant and I are amicable enough that we could go on vacation together. Tyler was seven at the time, a perfect age we thought.

The vacation was a bit more than we could afford but Disney World had been a dream I had had for my child pretty much ever since he was born. Besides, we had never taken him on a vacation. I remember him being five years old and asking me, “Mommy, what’s a vacation?”

Since then we haven’t gone on another vacation but we do have enough money every year to join our city’s pool which Tyler loves. We’ve also been able to enroll him in a few weeks of various camps so I think his summers have been pretty good. I just want to create happy memories for my child.

This summer, however, Tyler and I will be taking a road trip. My cousin who lives in Rochester, NY invited us over to her house in June. She lives in a beautiful home in the woods. Her sister is going to come too. They haven’t seen Tyler since he was a year old!

So I’m really looking forward to the trip and to Tyler seeing my father’s side of the family whom he doesn’t remember. I know they are going to eat him up!

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The Mountain

On Sunday I planned to take my son to the park, it was going to be a beautiful day. On Saturday night I prayed that I would be well enough to take him to the park. On Sunday morning I wished upon my “Best Mom” necklace clasp that I could take Tyler to the park. An hour before I would need to get into the shower I was still on track to take him to the park.

But by the time it was ready for me to get in the shower I started to feel sick to my stomach. I felt faint. I had anxiety about getting into the shower, getting dressed, getting Tyler ready and walking out the door. I knew if I could get to the park I would have a good time but I felt as if I were on the bottom of a mountain that was too steep to climb. My therapist always says I am never supposed to say “couldn’t” or “can’t” but on Sunday I couldn’t.

I knew I would have to let Tyler know that we weren’t going to the park. That thought provided some relief from my anxiety but also depression because I was once again failing my son.

“Tyler, could you come here? I’m sorry but I’m not doing so well so I won’t be able to take you to the park today.” A very quick look of disappointment showed on Tyler’s face, but just as quickly he said, “It’s okay, mom. I love you”, and he made kissing noises.

I know I often fail my son and unfortunately he is getting used to it. I am not getting used to it. I feel so frustrated by my lack of progress with my medications and in therapy and I wonder when I will come out of this.

I was reading and Tyler was on the tablet when I said, “Why don’t you teach me chess?” “Yeah!”, he said. I had never played the game but Tyler was a pretty good player and played with his dad. I was taking notes and Tyler was giving me little hints and showing me where I was going wrong. “You’re a good teacher”, I said.

I may have limitations but the love we both have for each other is strong and there are still things we can do together.

A mother’s and child love knows no boundaries.

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Oh, Fudge

This year my fourth grade son Tyler has gotten into trouble four times for using profane language. He’s had to miss recess a few times because of it.

Truth be told (I know, I’m a horrible mom), Tyler has been swearing since he was probably five years old. Hearing it on the school bus, and yes, from my ex and I. While we’ve always tried to correct him, cussing didn’t rank much on the scale of raising my child to be a good human.

Indeed there are several studies that say cursing can be good for you and that it even is a sign of intelligence, showing that people who swear more tend to have extended vocabularies.

But now it’s a different ball game as he doesn’t seem able to control where he uses profanity, so we have a declared swearing to be off limits for ALL of us. The only one who I have never heard utter a cuss word is Jacques who can’t even say “He*l”. I’m doing it for him too as I know it bothers him when he hears me say a bad word.

The punishment for using profanity at home (at school they punish him) is a one minute time out on the porch stairs, again for all of us. So far I’ve only had to send Tyler out once.

The hardest time to avoid cursing is when you stub your toe or something similar. That “Oh sh*t!” just pops right out. That happened to Tyler the other day at school and as he started to spew that “s-curse” he said, “I mean oh shoot!”

Words like “shoot”, “darn”, and “heck” sound really strange to me but that will be what will be flying out of our mouths from now on.

How do you deal with bad language in your own home?

(Photo credit: quickanddirtytips.com)

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Book Reviews!

Inspiration provided by Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop.

I’ve been reading a variety of books lately and I want to share them with you!

I probably read this in junior high, but it’s worth a reread as an adult.

13 year old Anne Frank along with her family and another family spent two years in an annex (attic) in Amsterdam hiding from the Germans and often her diary was her only comfort. She wanted her writing to be published and her name forever known. Unfortunately the families were found and they all died except her father Otto Frank. Sympathizers had saved Anne’s diary and Mr. Frank followed Anne’s wishes for it to be published. Anne showed so much maturity in her writing. My favorite quote of hers was “In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.” Anne’s diary is a book you can’t put down, despite knowing what is coming in the end.

Jacob Jankowski has lived quite a life in his 90 + years. Now living in a nursing home he is excited when the circus comes to town. We are then taken back to when Jacob was forced to leave his veterinary school just shy of his degree after his parents death. With no money and no direction he hops on a circus train and becomes the circus’s vet, where he meets a beautiful equestrian star and an elephant that people think is stupid. The book switches back and forth to old Jacob and young Jacob flawlessly. A great story; Jacob’s young life is exciting and his old seems to describe what it’s like when your body gets old but you are the same person you always were.

The Valentine clan head to Memphis to keep an eye on Mama entered in a dance competition with her new beau, and the reincarnation of Elvis Presley, now a Bassett Hound, is along for the ride. When a woman is pushed off the roof of the Peabody Hotel and Mama claims someone is trying to kill her too, Callie and her cousin Lovie, must find the killer. The “Southern Cousins” is a great cozy mystery series. Very funny and a romance that’s sexy without being “husky”.

These were taken from my Goodreads reviews. I’d love it if you followed me!

Happy Reading!

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