Tuesdays With Tyler: Rocking My Baby

Although my son is going to be three-years-old in two months, I still rock him to sleep.  It is a ritual that has so much meaning for me.  If I’m there, it means I wasn’t feeling too sick or exhausted not to do it, so I feel so grateful to God when I can do it, which is most nights.

How much we talk depends on how tired Tyler is.  Sometimes we say prayers, with he and I naming our family members and then I let him bless what he wants, his friends at school, his teacher, or sometimes pizza and Diego and Curious George.  I used to sing to him but now he insists on singing with me, which, although amazing, isn’t conducive to sleeping!

I always thank God for giving me the most wonderful child in the world, how blessed I feel for that, and I ask God to make me the best mother I can be.

Sometimes I get frustrated, trying to get him to be calm or sometimes I start to get fatigued during it and feel I have to hand him over to Grant.  But when he’s tired, when it’s right and he fits perfectly in my arms, we rock together and there is no more pain, no more worries about money or where we will be in the future.  There is just…peace.  Peace for my son and I. Once again he is that small baby who melts into me and I am that new mom and a whole new adventure is ahead for us.

That’s why I am still rocking my baby.

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About mamasick

Emily Cullen is a pen-name. I suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases which include Bipolar Disorder, Asthma, Diabetes and Fibromyalgia. I had battled Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis but there is no longer evidence of me having these diseases and my Rheumatologist has declared them to be "burnt out" of my system. I am separated from my husband, “Grant”. Our son, “Tyler” was born in September of 2006 and suffers from tics and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is delayed in fine and gross motor skills. In my blog I seek to let sick moms know that they are not the only ones going through this, and to educate people about what can happens when one becomes catastrophically ill. I also strive to break down stereotypes of what a “Welfare Mom” is like. Anything that I have gone through due to being sick, is written on the pages of Mama Sick.

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