I have been coming out of my depression. But last week I had something happen that shook me to the core.

Tyler gets up early, way before we have to get up for camp. I settled him in with the television and a juice box and went back to bed. I laid down to sleep and for the first time ever I heard voices. They were whispers, men speaking and then women. I tried to make out what they were saying but I was too scared to try too hard. I made sure the voices weren’t coming from anywhere else. No, it wasn’t the television or the radio. Women didn’t do work around my house but even if they did, the windows were closed. Eventually the voices went away and I fell into a fitful sleep.

Hearing voices can be a part of bipolar disorder. But it can also be a part of something far worse, schizophrenia.

Fortunately I had an appointment with my nurse practitioner that day. I recently went off Zyprexa and started taking the mood stabilizer, Latuda. Latuda at higher doses is given to people who have schizophrenia. One of the side effects ironically is hearing voices. But the nurse practitioner had never had patients who experienced this. She wants to see me once a week.

I am really hoping this is an isolated incident. It gave me an idea of what being a schizophrenic is like.

I hope I never experience anything like it again.

Artwork courtesy of lostnightkg at Deviant Art.

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About mamasick

Emily Cullen is a pen-name. I suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases which include Bipolar Disorder, Asthma, Diabetes and Fibromyalgia. I had battled Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis but there is no longer evidence of me having these diseases and my Rheumatologist has declared them to be "burnt out" of my system. I am separated from my husband, “Grant”. Our son, “Tyler” was born in September of 2006 and suffers from tics and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is delayed in fine and gross motor skills. In my blog I seek to let sick moms know that they are not the only ones going through this, and to educate people about what can happens when one becomes catastrophically ill. I also strive to break down stereotypes of what a “Welfare Mom” is like. Anything that I have gone through due to being sick, is written on the pages of Mama Sick.
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5 Responses to Voices

  1. Caroline says:

    As you know, Emily, I have bipolar 1, and I hear voices. I’m sure, because I have asked, I don’t have schizophrenia. Once I was scared of it, too. But voices are a normal symptom of severe bipolar with psychosis. I hope this is encouraging to you. I enjoyed reading your blog today, and I love the image.

  2. mamasick says:

    Thanks for the information, Caroline. To be honest with you though, having severe bipolar with psychosis isn’t too appealing!

  3. Caroline says:

    No, of course it is not at all appealing! I understand.
    Caroline´s last blog post ..Share Your World

  4. CyndyNewsome says:

    I just read a book about a severely ill woman who heard voices and it totally controlled her life. So, this is so scary to me! I hope it goes away, I’m glad you’re seeing someone about it.
    CyndyNewsome´s last blog post ..The Weekend

  5. Junie says:

    I’m sorry to read this honey and pray for a better explanation. Something strange has been happening to me too, I kept seeing dark shadow movement out the corner of my eyes. At first I blew it off till it happened in a bathroom with no windows and door closed…kinda freaky, I tried asking if someone up there (points to sky) was trying to tell me something…no clue yet..(shrugs)
    Though I have to admit it hasn’t happened since I went docs and back on steroids, strong dual antibiotic in 1 capsule plus med for systemic yeast infection, new type of inhaler to include with nebulizer treatment….so who knows.
    Sorry I’m slow answering these days honey..Bless you.

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