Sometimes I think I am just not meant to get well, as if someone, somewhere (God?) is punishing me. But logically I know that isn’t true, it just feels like it.
My Costochondritis has flared to the point where I have decided I must put physical therapy for my legs on hold and take care of this first. It is the worst flare of Costo I have had in about five years, I can feel it right through the Percocet that I take for my leg pain. It is flaring in a lot of ribs but the worst are near my lungs. Taking good breaths is difficult and it is leaving me completely exhausted. I wake up wondering how long I have until I can sleep again.
It is much more debilitating than my legs. Sometimes I can barely speak and I just feel like I always need to speak quietly. Forget singing to my son. Forget my voiceover work, the only income that I have coming in right now. It’s got to be taken care of as quickly as possible.
The massage that I had on Sunday did not help. I am going to go back to my Physiatrist who treated me for my Costo back then through acupuncture. I can’t start seeing her until Wednesday and I wonder how I will make it until then and how I will get through the weekend.
I had to call my Physical Therapist and tell him what was going on. I let him know that I thought what he was doing was really helping and I wanted to go back to him but that this was the more pressing issue and he agreed.
I feel so down about this turn of events. Just when I am finally starting to make some progress with my legs after about nine months of pain I get a Costo flare, when I haven’t had one for five years!!
That analogy about how I describe myself to people holds true. I am like an old car. Just when you fix something on me, something else breaks.