Birthday Party Tomorrow For Tyler

Tomorrow is Tyler’s birthday and his birthday party.  My soon to be three-year-old is still up as of this writing (10:20 p.m.).  It’s the first birthday that he actually gets what’s going to happen.  Well, he seems most excited about the cupcakes and the goodie bags.

Personally I am anxious to see how I will fare.  I will be on less sleep with no time to lie down. I want to be able to be with Tyler as he plays on the swingsets at this party place, watch him jump in the Moonbounce and see him swing at the pinata.  But I worry about all of that standing.  I worry about having a meltdown and I worry about how I will be after the party.

This time last year, I was worrying about the exact same thing, how I would be able to get through it. The pains have changed but it is still the same anxious feeling.  Last year I couldn’t put makeup on. This year I really want to try and look halfway decent.  I haven’t put makeup on for almost a year.  Did I forget how?

It’s not about me, of course, but I as a mom, I want to be able to see my child enjoy his party and enjoy it with him.  It’s not that easy when you are in pain and exhausted.  I think about his next birthday and wonder how I will be and pray that most of Tyler’s childhood and milestones are not viewed through the eyes and body of a sick mom.

I will post pictures as soon as I can.  I pray that I can feel as well as possible tomorrow, for my child’s sake.

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About mamasick

Emily Cullen is a pen-name. I suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases which include Bipolar Disorder, Asthma, Diabetes and Fibromyalgia. I had battled Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis but there is no longer evidence of me having these diseases and my Rheumatologist has declared them to be "burnt out" of my system. I am separated from my husband, “Grant”. Our son, “Tyler” was born in September of 2006 and suffers from tics and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is delayed in fine and gross motor skills. In my blog I seek to let sick moms know that they are not the only ones going through this, and to educate people about what can happens when one becomes catastrophically ill. I also strive to break down stereotypes of what a “Welfare Mom” is like. Anything that I have gone through due to being sick, is written on the pages of Mama Sick.

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