Tomorrow is Tyler’s birthday and his birthday party.  My soon to be three-year-old is still up as of this writing (10:20 p.m.).  It’s the first birthday that he actually gets what’s going to happen.  Well, he seems most excited about the cupcakes and the goodie bags.

Personally I am anxious to see how I will fare.  I will be on less sleep with no time to lie down. I want to be able to be with Tyler as he plays on the swingsets at this party place, watch him jump in the Moonbounce and see him swing at the pinata.  But I worry about all of that standing.  I worry about having a meltdown and I worry about how I will be after the party.

This time last year, I was worrying about the exact same thing, how I would be able to get through it. The pains have changed but it is still the same anxious feeling.  Last year I couldn’t put makeup on. This year I really want to try and look halfway decent.  I haven’t put makeup on for almost a year.  Did I forget how?

It’s not about me, of course, but I as a mom, I want to be able to see my child enjoy his party and enjoy it with him.  It’s not that easy when you are in pain and exhausted.  I think about his next birthday and wonder how I will be and pray that most of Tyler’s childhood and milestones are not viewed through the eyes and body of a sick mom.

I will post pictures as soon as I can.  I pray that I can feel as well as possible tomorrow, for my child’s sake.