A Journal Entry Long Forgotten

Inspired by Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop.


Prompt #5:  Share an Old Journal Entry

When I saw this prompt I got so excited!  I had kept a diary or journal from age eight to about 30!  What would I PICK?  I finally decided to take a post that was from my wicked young to mid 20s past; ooo, how salacious!  But, unfortunately, in my landfill, I mean, apartment, I could find none of those journals.

I did find one from my college years, though, which in many other ways is interesting.  I am almost 19, I am a virgin, I think I am in love, for the second or third time (of many more ‘think I am in love’ to come!)  Such a naive girl; when almost 20 “Parker” was the most important thing in life, before my marriage, before the death of my father, and way before the birth of my child.  But back then this is how “almost 19-year-old me” felt, and I must honor that. And I am so thankful I have this diary, as I would have never remembered this event! I read the entry and my brain said, “Oh yeah, now I remember!” Back when things were written for your diary only and not for the whole world as they are now! Oh, one more thing, for the sake of explanation, Parker was dating many, many women…and I have edited this a bit for word length.

Warning:  There is some sexy stuff and language here so if you do not want to read about…college sexual situations, you may want to skip this post, but those brave enough may find it hysterically funny, and you could always stop reading! Ok?  Ok!

10/22/88 Time: 1:26 p.m. Weather:  Horrible, cold windy Yesterday:  A-

Dear Diary,

Well, little wonder, I was with Parker again last night.  We were at Lisa’s party and Eileen wasn’t there and Lisa’s mind was on some other guy so I was free.  I pulled him over to the bed while I was sitting and I told him about the dream I had about him…he laughed when I told him.    We sat together a little while longer, then he said, “What are you doing after this?” I was like, “Going to bed.” “Well, stop by my room before you go.”  I said I would.

I told Chris, Susan and Elena and we all screamed because they all know how much I want him!

Oh, I forgot.  I asked Parker if he were drunk, he goes, “No, why? Would you take advantage of me if I was?”  I laughed and said, “Well I’m drunk.” If that wasn’t a “come-on” then I don’t know what is!

So, he left, anyway, as I was leaving Lisa goes, “You going to get fucked?”  I go, “Oh, and you’re not?”, because that guy of hers was here…

…So, I went to Parker’s room…He motioned for me to lie down besides him.  Then we started kissing.  He took his underwear off.  I was on top of him.  He rubbed up against me and he put his hands down my pants on my behind which I really liked. He took my hand and put it on his penis.  At first I moved my hand away, he laughed, but then, tried again and I decided to do it.  It wasn’t a big deal.  I feel funny about describing it though.  I touched his testicles too.

He told me how to do it to make him come.  He goes, “I feel like a tutor.”  It wasn’t working and he said for me to lick my hand.  I said no, he licked it but it still doesn’t work.  Then he goes, “In my drawer, I have-” “No!” He said it wasn’t a “rubber”, it was lubricating cream, but I still refused. My hand was getting tired.  It didn’t work with me on top even though I liked it.  So finally, he was on top and he came.  All over. My sweater, my underwear, his bed.  He said to go wash up.  I had to take my underwear off.  I’m fearful I can get pregnant but Parker said no, but with my luck!

He played with my breasts.  He gave me a t-shirt which I am still wearing.  He asked if I would spend the night.  I said I wasn’t sure because I didn’t have my contact lense case or a nightgown.  He said, “Well, next time you’ll have them.”  So at least there will be a next time.  I decided to stay anyway.

So we slept, but the bed is small so we were cramped, especially me, because he is big.  I left around 9 a.m.  I borrowed sweatpants and a book bag and went home. Susan was shocked about how much I did but I am still okay with it.  But really, this has got to stop, we are going too far.

Well I’ve got to clean my room and bathroom because my parents and aunt and uncle are coming over.

Please don’t think I’m a slut because I’ve only been with two guys in my LIFE.  And Parker is the furthest I’ve even been with and it’s only because I care so much about him.  I want for us so badly for us to have a real relationship.  I hope all goes well.  Love, Emily”

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About mamasick

Emily Cullen is a pen-name. I suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases which include Bipolar Disorder, Asthma, Diabetes and Fibromyalgia. I had battled Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis but there is no longer evidence of me having these diseases and my Rheumatologist has declared them to be "burnt out" of my system. I am separated from my husband, “Grant”. Our son, “Tyler” was born in September of 2006 and suffers from tics and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is delayed in fine and gross motor skills. In my blog I seek to let sick moms know that they are not the only ones going through this, and to educate people about what can happens when one becomes catastrophically ill. I also strive to break down stereotypes of what a “Welfare Mom” is like. Anything that I have gone through due to being sick, is written on the pages of Mama Sick.
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