My Disability Hearing Is Tomorrow

So of course I am up at 4:30 and cannot go back to sleep, thinking about all of the things I have to do for it, which includes packing a bit of stuff for Tyler and I, Grant can pack his own stuff, as we have decided to stay in a hotel overnight because I cannot see myself having to get up at 4:30 or 5:00 in the morning to drive all the way to Newark.  You can learn more about that decision from my last post.

We are going to get our flat tire looked at today too.  The man who changed it and put on this “not quite a donut but not quite a real tire sort of thing” said he thinks the tire can be patched, saved, and we will not have to buy a new tire, which we really cannot afford, but you cannot dare drive such a long distance on the spare.

I have still to write down all my diseases and medications, there is a 50/50 chance that the judge will let me read from them.  I am afraid I will not remember my more than a dozen conditions, how they affect me; all of my meds, and how they affect me.  This should be a long trial if the judge wants to hear all of it!

I have to pick up more pain meds and Xanax later today, and buy some ice to keep my ice packs cold.  I might even take along some hot packs, maybe there will be a microwave at “the hotel”.  I will be taking my ice packs to the trial, along with my ACE bandages for my wrists and knees.  I honestly use those things every day so my lawyer said to take them to the trial.

I am in such shock that tomorrow is finally the day.  I liken it to when I knew I was going to be induced with Tyler, only this time he will be with me.  I told him we were going on a little vacation because he is scared about staying away from home, afraid we will never come back here.

But like at the end of my pregnancy, my mind just sort of went into a detached mode, not letting me feel the emotions that would probably cripple me.  I knew this horrific thing (labor!) was going to happen to me.  There would be an outcome (a baby) but I did not know exactly what would happen to get that baby, you know?

Grant is feeling more like when they took Tyler away from us due to all of the court proceedings, and so I know he is more freaked out than I.  He will be taking care of Tyler during the trial, maybe going back to the hotel and hanging out until check-out time.  We are staying at the “Great Eastern Hotel” if you get my drift.  We will bring a bunch or books and toys to keep him entertained, and of course his beloved Eeyore.

I don’t know if I will be able to write any more before the hearing although I am going to take my laptop and hope they have Wi-Fi.  I will always have my phone so I will tweet a little, except not in front of the judge!

So if this the last time I speak with you, please, everyone, think good thoughts, vibes, pray, etc., that this part of the nightmare that is my life will end and justice will be served.  I am nervous, but I feel good about it.  I am bedridden/housebound for God’s sake.  I am hoping my judge feels a kinship to me, as a woman, maybe she has some kids, because I know I will weep and I will comment if I am asked to.  During both of my preps done by the lawyer, I cried. It is very emotionally damaging when you have to tell someone EVERYTHING that is wrong with you and EVERYTHING that you take and how EVERYTHIING feels.  Hopefully I will be able to keep my manic mind together, my lawyer will give me a little wave if I am going off track.

Tuesday, July 19th, is finally my day in court.  Please, everyone try to think about me at 10:30 EST.  I need all the help I can get, and know that you will be with me, just a tweet, a Google+ or a comment away.

Thank you.

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About mamasick

Emily Cullen is a pen-name. I suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases which include Bipolar Disorder, Asthma, Diabetes and Fibromyalgia. I had battled Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis but there is no longer evidence of me having these diseases and my Rheumatologist has declared them to be "burnt out" of my system. I am separated from my husband, “Grant”. Our son, “Tyler” was born in September of 2006 and suffers from tics and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is delayed in fine and gross motor skills. In my blog I seek to let sick moms know that they are not the only ones going through this, and to educate people about what can happens when one becomes catastrophically ill. I also strive to break down stereotypes of what a “Welfare Mom” is like. Anything that I have gone through due to being sick, is written on the pages of Mama Sick.
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