Looking Back

This post was inspired by Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop. My original post can be found here.

Prompt 1. Throwback Thursday: Choose a photo from a previous June and write a poem or a blog post.


This picture comes from June, 2011, and is my son’s pre-school/daycare graduation picture. When I lost my job in 2008 and became too sick to work due to Lupus, I kept Tyler in daycare. I was in just too much pain for him to be home with me.

I had a lot of guilt back then, as I think any mother, healthy or sick, does when putting their child in daycare. My child spent so much time with his teachers who were Indian that he started to speak with an Indian accent. That soon went away.

My post was an uplifting one because deep down I knew there was no danger of Tyler forgetting who his mommy was, despite spending eight hours away from me a day.

I used to think, in the depths of my depression and pain, that maybe Tyler was better off with another mother, a healthier one. I think today I feel more confident in the fact that Tyler belongs with me; that although I am sick I am doing the best I can and Tyler knows it.

I look back at this photo and it seems like a million years ago. So much has changed since then including moving to Ohio and collecting disability. Tyler will be going into the third grade this year.

We had a party for him on the day he graduated and I still have the wonderful memories of my best friends coming with gifts, and the cake.

Tyler may change through the years but I will always feel the pride and love I felt for him that day.

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About mamasick

Emily Cullen is a pen-name. I suffer from chronic illnesses and diseases which include Bipolar Disorder, Asthma, Diabetes and Fibromyalgia. I had battled Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis but there is no longer evidence of me having these diseases and my Rheumatologist has declared them to be "burnt out" of my system. I am separated from my husband, “Grant”. Our son, “Tyler” was born in September of 2006 and suffers from tics and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and is delayed in fine and gross motor skills. In my blog I seek to let sick moms know that they are not the only ones going through this, and to educate people about what can happens when one becomes catastrophically ill. I also strive to break down stereotypes of what a “Welfare Mom” is like. Anything that I have gone through due to being sick, is written on the pages of Mama Sick.

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